INS jokes
Trump and Anakin Skywalker have something in common: they’ve both killed a lot of sand people.
What do mermaids put in the salads?
Sea cucumber.
What do a priest and Life have in common?
They both get harder when kids are around.
Why was 10 scared?
Because it was in between 9/11.
If sugar is a drug, does that mean putting it in coffee is overdose?
When will delusional Christians grow up and realize their fairy tales aren't based in reality?
Why is it that when in PE, it's fine for someone to say "boys against girls", but in public when I say "blacks against whites" or "boys against girls" I'm the bad guy?
Why are there a lot of whites in hockey?
It’s the only other job that involves beating something black other than being a cop.
Why did Monika look at the recycling bin with tears in her eyes?
Because she realized she just couldn't delete her feelings for you...
I know you’re feeling in a haze, but please enjoy your last three days.
Should we go to America for treatment?
We stayed in Essen and then left.
Putin's words paint a picture of his world as vast, but in reality, it is shrinking.
An astronaut has had a mid-life crisis. He decides to leave everything behind and become a country farmer.
He buys some land and equips himself with everything he needs. The following Monday, he's ready to go with his hoe in hand and is about to walk out the gate, but he can't get through.
Why, you might ask? He's got no arms.
Why did Stephen Hawking get sacked from his job?
Because he was always rolling in late.
What does it say on Stephen Hawking's headstone?
Roll In Peace.
What does Stephen Hawking have in common with David Beckham?
They both dribble.
What do black people and sports cars have in common?
Getting a noise complaint for being so loud.
How does Stephen Hawking compete in the hurdles?
He ducks when he gets to them.
Why can’t Kurt Cobain ride in the passenger seat?
Because he doesn’t like when someone calls "shotgun!"
I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. I was sitting in the back of the movie theater, where no one was. Suddenly, she was sitting in front of me with some guy she was hugging. I was furious. I couldn't stay there anymore, so her friend and I had to finish it in the toilet.