INS jokes

Nude

    • I met a lewd nude in Bermuda

    Who thought she was shrewd: I was shrewder;

    She thought it quite crude

    To be wooed in the nude;

    I pursued her, subdued her, and screwed her.

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    • Child

    • Father heard his children scream,

    so he threw them in the stream.

    Saying, as he drowned the third,

    "Children should be seen, not heard!"

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    • Michael J. Fox

    • The president of a company comes in to talk to his employees. He says, "As you know, sales have been way down and many of you are not meeting your quotas. We decided to SHAKE things up a bit and introduce you to our new Vice President: Michael J. Fox."

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    • Alphabet

    • What are the first four letters of the alphabet?

    Mum: (noticing the child's hair is too long) "You need a haircut."

    Brother: (winning a game on PlayStation) "Yes! Get in!"

    Uncle: (making plans) "We're gonna go and see The Bodyguard."

    Aunt: (singing a song from the show after overhearing the conversation) "I have nothing, nothing, nothing... if I don't have you."

    Next day...

    Student: I know the alphabet.

    Teacher: OK, go on.

    Student: "You need a haircut."

    Teacher: How dare you make comments like this! Do you want to go to the headteacher?

    Student: "Yes! Get in!"

    Teacher: What do you think you're going to be doing?

    Student: "We're gonna go and see The Bodyguard."

    *In headteacher's office*

    Headteacher: Now, I hear you were very rude to the literacy teacher earlier. What do you have to say for yourself?

    Student: "I have nothing, nothing, nothing... if I don't have you."

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    • Tea

    • It was 5:00 PM and I asked my sibling: "Can I have something to eat?"

    He replied: "No, not until you tell me the alphabet."

    So I said: "A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, U, V, W, X, Y, Z."

    Then my sibling asked me: "Where's the T?"

    I replied: "It's in the microwave, you just need to dish it up."

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