INS jokes
I was bulimic but I gave it up.
It just left a bad taste in my mouth.
My friends think I'm bipolar. I threw a pencil case at someone and I walked out, walked back in 2 seconds later and I was sunshines and rainbows.
Kid: "Grandma, what's dark humour?"
Grandma: "See that man in the wheelchair over there?"
Kid: "But Grandma! I'm blind!"
Grandma: "Exactly."
Went to school today, had to yell at my friend that he wasn't on the clock.
He continued to swing on the pole in front of children.
I put my uncle's ashes in my Taco Bell so he could tear my ass up one more time.
Trump and Anakin Skywalker have something in common: they’ve both killed a lot of sand people.
What do mermaids put in the salads?
Sea cucumber.
What do a priest and Life have in common?
They both get harder when kids are around.
Why was 10 scared?
Because it was in between 9/11.
If sugar is a drug, does that mean putting it in coffee is overdose?
When will delusional Christians grow up and realize their fairy tales aren't based in reality?
Why is it that when in PE, it's fine for someone to say "boys against girls", but in public when I say "blacks against whites" or "boys against girls" I'm the bad guy?
Why are there a lot of whites in hockey?
It’s the only other job that involves beating something black other than being a cop.
Why did Monika look at the recycling bin with tears in her eyes?
Because she realized she just couldn't delete her feelings for you...
I know you’re feeling in a haze, but please enjoy your last three days.
Should we go to America for treatment?
We stayed in Essen and then left.
Putin's words paint a picture of his world as vast, but in reality, it is shrinking.
An astronaut has had a mid-life crisis. He decides to leave everything behind and become a country farmer.
He buys some land and equips himself with everything he needs. The following Monday, he's ready to go with his hoe in hand and is about to walk out the gate, but he can't get through.
Why, you might ask? He's got no arms.
Why did Stephen Hawking get sacked from his job?
Because he was always rolling in late.
What does it say on Stephen Hawking's headstone?
Roll In Peace.