Instead of Edward Scissorhands, I’m Edwardscissor wrists.
What's both red, white and sometimes purple?
My arms...
A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says, "Okay, I'd like you to point to wherever it hurts." So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says, "Here. Ow." She then pokes her arm and says, "Here. Ow." She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop.
The doctor says, "I know what's happened to you." "What's happened to me?" The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, "You have a broken finger."
I can hear thunder outside, which I find weird since the lightning is on my arm...
I SH so much, even when I die and become a ghost, you can see red stripes floating around the room.
What do you call an athlete who injured 75% of his spine?
A quarterback.
Friend: “What's that on your arm?”
Me: “Oh, nothing. Just decided I wanted to cosplay a tiger.”
I don't need to go to the car dealership when I have a Geico scanner on my arm at all times. 😏
A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!" And the doctor replied, "I know. I amputated your arms."
A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man's wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said:
"I have good news and bad news."
The wife said: "What's the good news?"
"We managed to save his arm."
"What's the bad news?"
"We couldn't save the rest of him."
I fell from the stairs the other day. It really "got me down."
My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better, so I sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wife's broken leg.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
What did Jenny get for her birthday after a car accident?
An amputation.
What is red and tan and spins for about 50 mph?
A baby in a blender.
What is red and looks like a zebra?
My arm. Hehhehehehe UwU
Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off?
Well, he’s all right now!
There once was a brother and a sister. So, one night, it's storming really bad and the sister goes into the brother's room and asks, "Can I stay with you tonight because I'm scared?" The brother replies with, "Yeah, sure, but just don't tell Mom." So the girl climbs into the bed and looks under the sheets to see the boy's penis and asks, "What's that?" And the boy replies with, "That's my pet snake." And the girl asks, "Can I pet it?" And the boy says, "Sure, just don't tell Mom." And the boy falls asleep and wakes up in a hospital and asks, "What happened?" And the girl said, "I pet the snake but it spit on me so I bit its head off."
What's red and in a corner?
A baby with a razor blade.
What's green and in a corner?
The same baby three weeks later.
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A Doberman in a playground.
