Injury jokes
Why do cats leave scratches on arms? They don't; I do it myself.
One day I was passing a blind man and I gave him a gun and told him it was a blow dryer.
Next day I went for another walk and saw his grave.
A hunter shot holes into his favorite book.
When confronted, he said it was the "holey" Bible!
What do my little brother and a vagina have in common?
They both ooze blood 🩸 when punched.
I asked my now ex-boyfriend why he’s scared of my cat. He said it was because of the scratches on my arm.
I told him that my cat doesn’t scratch, but he didn’t believe me. He realised what I meant when he noticed I kept hiding my wrist from everyone else.
(Kinda based on the fact that my ex is indeed scared of cats, and he has been scared of my cat, so yeah 😂)
When I was going downstairs, Sum Ting Wong fell, and doctors say Sum Ting Wong happened.
What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!
Why did Peter Parker take Gwen Stacy to an orthopedist?
Because her neck was killing her.
What's the difference between a newborn baby and an orphan after a rugby match?
They both come out bloody and crying, but at least one gets picked up.
What's got 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet?
The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
My friend said having sex is a lot like your first football game.
You're bloody and bruised, but at least your dad was there.
My therapist told me time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him. Now we wait.
I saw a guy beat his girlfriend to a pulp after his girlfriend threw a phone in his face. I offered to call an ambulance, but he said he was fine.
So there's a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says, "Step on a crack and you break your mother's back." The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother's back breaking.
The little girl's father looks in terror, she then says, "Step on a line and you break your father's spine." The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out "OW MY SPINE!" The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.
A man walks into a bar.
He had to have 13 stitches!
My pee pee fell off.
Your mom's so heavy that it caused Atlas, the Titan, to slip a disc.
My friend told me my wrist wasn't a cutting board. So I asked her if hers was at all, and if I could borrow it.
I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.
Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg?
He's all right.