Injury jokes
What do you call a bad amputation?
A rip-off.
A missile hit a hospital earlier this morning. Fortunately, no one was injured - but 100 were killed.
Q: What does your Mama and a slinky have in common?
A: They aren't much to look at, but you can't help cracking a smile when you see it tumbling down the stairs.
What goes Snap, Crackle, and Pop?
A neck.
I don't always roll a joint, but when I do, it's my ankle.
What do you call a down syndrome person that was hit by a car?
Mash potato.
My friend told me my wrist wasn't a cutting board. So I asked her if hers was at all, and if I could borrow it.
A man walks into a bar, he gets a concussion.
After 2 months of recovering, the same man rushes head first into the bar. He goes into a coma.
After 2 years, he amazingly wakes up. He then gets in his car and drives into the bar at 70 mph. He dies. Did I mention he was suicidal?
I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.
My mom asks, "How did you do this?" Me: "Naw, I did it with a fork. WHAT D'YA THINK?-"
If you ever get mad at a person that crumpled their leg, don't forget that they can hide, but they can't run.
Why does a movie set say "break a leg"? Because they have a cast.
How do you name a disabled Asian?
Throw the wheelchair down the stairs.
Little Johnny went to the doctor to get an infection checked on his penis. As the doctor examined it, he asked, "Lil Johnny how did you get an infection on your penis?" Johnny replied, "Well, the damn neighbor Sally's braces are too sharp."
What has 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
what's black and red and is a liquid?
my scars!
This man got his left arm and left leg cut off, and someone asked him, "How are you?" And he said, "I’m all right now."
Person: I broke my arm in three places.
Doctor: Well, don't go to those three places then.
Why are there so many scars and cuts on your arm?
Because it's a battlefield.
How many gay guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one... But it takes the entire emergency room to take it out.