Injury Jokes

What do you call a bad amputation?

A rip-off.

Q: What does your Mama and a slinky have in common?

A: They aren't much to look at, but you can't help cracking a smile when you see it tumbling down the stairs.

I don't always roll a joint, but when I do, it's my ankle.

What goes Snap, Crackle, and Pop?

A neck.

What do you call a down syndrome person that was hit by a car?

Mash potato.

A man walks into a bar, he gets a concussion.

After 2 months of recovering, the same man rushes head first into the bar. He goes into a coma.

After 2 years, he amazingly wakes up. He then gets in his car and drives into the bar at 70 mph. He dies. Did I mention he was suicidal?

My mom asks, "How did you do this?" Me: "Naw, I did it with a fork. WHAT D'YA THINK?-"

A missile hit a hospital earlier this morning. Fortunately, no one was injured - but 100 were killed.

I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.

If you ever get mad at a person that crumpled their leg, don't forget that they can hide, but they can't run.

Why does a movie set say "break a leg"? Because they have a cast.

How do you name a disabled Asian?

Throw the wheelchair down the stairs.

What has 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.

what's black and red and is a liquid?

my scars!

Little Johnny went to the doctor to get an infection checked on his penis. As the doctor examined it, he asked, "Lil Johnny how did you get an infection on your penis?" Johnny replied, "Well, the damn neighbor Sally's braces are too sharp."

My friend told me my wrist wasn't a cutting board. So I asked her if hers was at all, and if I could borrow it.

Person: I broke my arm in three places.

Doctor: Well, don't go to those three places then.

Why are there so many scars and cuts on your arm?

Because it's a battlefield.

Why do we tell actors to break a leg?

So they can get in the cast!

How many gay guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one... But it takes the entire emergency room to take it out.