Injury jokes
When I nailed the quiz, my teacher wasn't very happy. I wasn't either with all those paper cuts.
Oof.
Why did Peter Parker take Gwen Stacy to an orthopedist?
Because her neck was killing her.
My girlfriend went to the doctor for a broken arm, and they told her it should be better in about two months. I asked her what they said. She said, "It should be better in about two months." I then asked her, "What did the dentist say?"
What disease do you get from shoving a dirty, rusty piece of metal up your ass? Tetanus.
I don't know why my blind kid is crying, but I think it could be the tacks I put on the couch.
My friend showed me his broken finger, and I said, "JESUS!" He said his name is Jake.
My doctor told me, "Time heals wounds."
So I stabbed him.
Now we wait...
Why did Timmy fall down the stairs?
Because he fell off his wheelchair.
"Sticks and stones break my bones."
A crowbar does it so much quicker.
A father and three sons are renovating a house when a wall of that house collapses and breaks the father's back. Keeping calm, he tells the sons, "Well, I guess this is what you would call back-breaking labor." He chuckled, then passed out from pain.
"Jack and Jill went home because he was sick because of the virus in town, gave him a frown, and his arms were pricked."
Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
So they can get in the cast!
A bear is like your best mate, Harry.
If you stab them, they die from a stab wound.
Me and a wheelchair person were playing tag, and I broke my leg so it can be fair for him.
What part do people slit the most?
Everyone.
What do you say to a girl with two black eyes?
Nothing, you told her twice.
"And then I said, \"Knife to meet you.\""
"You stabbed my brother!"
"It's okay, I'm in stable condition!"
Attention to everyone, I'm not going to be on for 2 weeks because I was in a bike accident, or more like a motorcycle accident. I was ran off the road when my 16 year old brother was taking me for a ride. Now I can't use my legs cause, well, you know. I will be taking a break because I don't want to move my legs that much.
A dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
Why did the little boy cross the road multiple times? He stepped on an IED after being mutilated on a chopping block that was on fire with a table saw and multiple gallows which were infested with flaming termites with splotches of blood all over him from his eyes after they were squashed with a brick.