*gets hit by a car*
Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"
Me: "Please...I need my...phone"
*opens twitter*
Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!
I was riding a bike with no helmet I went and went with no helmet until.............I broke my head with no helmet on
me explaining the school nurse that ice cant cure everything nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl
Little mickel was on a tree he feel down and hurt his knee he sat down and started to cry and from there he would never lie
Well, I didn’t get as high as I wanted to, but I’m high enough that if I fall I’d probably break something.
My wife was run over
My Friend said having sex is alot like your first football game
Your bloody and bruised but at least your dad was there
I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs. Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.
there was a man in a wheelchair and he got knocked out in front of a bus he had a wheelie good life.
OWWWWWWWWWWW I JUST GOT A CUT ON MY BUTT, oh wait that’s always been there.
I was anonymous, with the previous jokes. I will now go by "I can fly! *falls*"
What's black and white and red all over? A mime i hit with my car.
My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheel chair, he is getting bullied but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself
What a day yesterday was I got a promotion and my sisters killer was hit by a bus now I’m in a cast!
U die from robot bite
I need a new butt this one has a hole in it
Two girls are at a play and are about to go on the stage.
Ally before the other girl gos on stage: break a leg!
Rachel: alright!
On stage, Rachel trips over a stand and breaks her leg
Rachel calling backstage: I broke my leg!
Why did Little Sally get hurt while playing soccer A: she fell into a minefield
Jack and jill went home because he was sick because of the virus in town game him a frown and his arms were pricked
a women wakes up in a hospital after a accident and yells "doctor doctor i cant feel my legs" and the doctor say "i know i amputated your arms"
