Why did the man with no arms fall off his bike? Someone threw a washing machine at him.
My nan broke her toe by a brick today, last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire . Does that now mean I have to toe her back to the doctors.
Ads for meds be like: Chloroform its Chloroform helps with itchy eyes :side affects may include Acute Flaccid Myelitis (AFM) AIDS (HIV/AIDS) Alphaviruses. Alzheimer's Disease. Alzheimer's Diseases (Spanish) Arboviral Encephalitis. Arthritis. Babesiois.Cancer Unintentional injuries Chronic lower respiratory disease. ... Stroke and cerebrovascular diseases. ... Alzheimer's disease. ... Diabetes. ... Influenza and pneumonia.
Well, I didn’t get as high as I wanted to, but I’m high enough that if I fall I’d probably break something.
Little mickel was on a tree he feel down and hurt his knee he sat down and started to cry and from there he would never lie
*gets hit by a car*
Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"
Me: "Please...I need my...phone"
*opens twitter*
Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
I was playing hide and seek at work the other day unfortunately it ended me in hospital tho icu
I was sitting in traffic the other day.
Probably why I got run over.
You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends. Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot. You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate."
I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!
I was riding a bike with no helmet I went and went with no helmet until.............I broke my head with no helmet on
Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, That some dick cut her off.
What’s worse than running with scissors? Scissoring With the runs
me explaining the school nurse that ice cant cure everything nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl
The definition of the word Disappointment means running into a wall with a boner and breaking your nose.
There were three indians that got kick out of the tride. One said "me find food" and he came back with a decent size rabit. The other two asked him what happened he said "me see rabit me shoot rabit and rabit fall down dead. The 2nd indian "me find food" he came back with a good sized deer the other two asked him what happened he said"me see deer me shoot deer deer fall down dead. The third indian said "me find food" he came back crwling mising a leg and an arm and he was all cut up the others anded what happened he said "me see train me shoot trai train no stop
My wife was run over
My Friend said having sex is alot like your first football game
Your bloody and bruised but at least your dad was there
there was a man in a wheelchair and he got knocked out in front of a bus he had a wheelie good life.
I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs. Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.
