Injury jokes
Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
So they can get in the cast!
What's black and white and red all over? The prisoner I just hit with my car.
What do you call a paralyzed turtle?
Shell shocked.
"Better lock 'em doors and turn the lights down low... Better turn 'em on, just stubbed my f***ing toe!"
What's black, white, and red all over?
A nun that fell down the stairs.
What's black, white, and laughing?
The nun that pushed her.
What's the worst part about hearing a special needs kid getting hit by a car?
Having to listen to the wheelchair scraping for a mile and a half.
How do you name a disabled Asian?
Throw the wheelchair down the stairs.
Broke my toenail yesterday. I'm now presenting you puns/jokes:
1. "Yeah, I broke my toenail, wanna see phoTOES?" 2. "I'm tired of bandaging my toe! Oh. My. GAUZE."
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You make them clap until they go home.
I'm going to draw a picture. A picture with a twist. I'll draw it with a razor blade. I'll draw it on my wrist.
What's the fastest way to get to the hospital? Stand in the middle of the road.
What does my arm have in common with paper?
They both can be cut.
What's the quickest way to go to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.
I pushed a man in a wheelchair into a fire. Now we call him "hot wheels."
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."
"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."
"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."
"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."
"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."
"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."
Why was the boy crying?
He had a frog stapled to his face.
Why do cats leave scratches on arms? They don't; I do it myself.
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it.
Doctor: "I have good news and bad news."
Guy: "What's the bad news?"
Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."
Guy: "Good news?"
Doc: "You now have tic tac toe."
I pushed the kid in a wheelchair into fire... I called him "HOT WHEELS".
Never break a girl's/boy's/someone's heart. They only have one of them.
Break their bones instead. They have 206 of them.