Injury jokes
What do my little brother and a vagina have in common?
They both ooze blood 🩸 when punched.
Cut.
Person 1: Why did you put the baby feet first into the blender?
Person 2: To see his facial expression. Why else?
What do you get when you put a baby in a box filled with glass and nails and push it down the stairs?
... A boner.
Did you hear about the guy who got his entire left side cut off? Well, he's dead.
1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?
- A bus full of children.
2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
- He died of a yeast infection.
3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...
- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”
4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...
- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...
- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
What happens if an Asian walks into a wall with a boner?
They hit their nose on the wall.
I gave a blind man a gun and told him it was a hair dryer.
A dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
A man in a wheelchair and his friend were walking down the street.
Man in Wheelchair: *falls out of wheelchair*
Friend: Are you okay?
Man in Wheelchair: I can't feel my legs!
An unfortunate accident happened at the Nestlè factory. A man named Joe was seriously injured because a box of chocolates fell on him. Every time he said, "The chocolates are on me!" everyone cheered.
Why did the director have an injured leg? Cause he couldn't find the right cast.
What's worse than throwing a baby off a cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
What's white and black and red all over? A nun that fell down stairs.
Gwen: Hi sir, how are you?
Tj: Good... you?
Gwen: I am super duper good! And where is your date? It seems like you need one 😉!
Tj: 😏.
Gwen: Here, this is your guest hall pass...you may...come in my friend!
Tj: Thanks but um, don't you think you should be um getting inside too?
Gwen: 🙁 No thanks sir but I have to work...I am the staff so bye! 😁.
Tj: NO!!!!!!
1 day later.
Gwen: 🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤰🤰🤰👩👧👦
Tony's wife got a divorce from Tony. She said she wanted to be an independent woman.
Days later, Tony's wife had an accident. Guess who's crawling back for help. 💀
Me and a wheelchair person were playing tag, and I broke my leg so it can be fair for him.
I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a muscle.
Pro tip: How to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make your child hold the nail.
I awoke after being raped and was shocked to find my fingers were broken. It was hard to grasp.