Injury jokes
A bullet is like an arrow.
Nothing can stop it from going through your head.
I was riding a bike with no helmet. I went and went with no helmet until... I broke my head with no helmet on!
What's black, white, and red all over?
A nun that fell down the stairs.
What's black, white, and laughing?
The nun that pushed her.
I SH so much, even when I die and become a ghost, you can see red stripes floating around the room.
What do you call a person with a hole in their head? Dead.
What is red, green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs?
...A girl scout that got hit by a car.
I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. "What happened to your face?" I asked. "I'm a Paralympian," he replied. "Boxing?" "No, ... hurdles."
What will happen if someone kicks you right in the balls?
You will be like, "Ow, my nuts!"
What's the difference between my ripped jeans and my arms?.
None.
What is the best way to catch a baby from falling off the roof?
With a pitchfork.
I put glue in a man :)
Your friend lost his left arm, and after getting out of the hospital, you ask him if he’s OK. He says, "Yeah, I’m all RIGHT."
There once was a brother and a sister. So, one night, it's storming really bad and the sister goes into the brother's room and asks, "Can I stay with you tonight because I'm scared?" The brother replies with, "Yeah, sure, but just don't tell Mom." So the girl climbs into the bed and looks under the sheets to see the boy's penis and asks, "What's that?" And the boy replies with, "That's my pet snake." And the girl asks, "Can I pet it?" And the boy says, "Sure, just don't tell Mom." And the boy falls asleep and wakes up in a hospital and asks, "What happened?" And the girl said, "I pet the snake but it spit on me so I bit its head off."
What's worse than ten babies stapled to a tree?
A baby stapled to ten trees.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but a crowbar could do it so much quicker.
Why was the boy crying?
He had a frog stapled to his face.
What part do people slit the most?
Everyone.
A little boy got the homework that he had to learn the four first letters of the alphabet. He went to his mother, who was knitting and had hurt herself. He asked her what the first letter of the alphabet was, and she said a swear word. He went to his brother, who was playing with a Superman, and asked what the second letter of the alphabet was, and he answered "SUPERMAN!!!". Then he went to his little sister, and asked what the third letter of the alphabet was, and given the fact that she was playing with Barbies, she said, "in the Barbie Dream House!" Then he went to his father who was watching a soccer game, and his team just scored, so when he asked what the fourth letter of the alphabet was, he said, "Olé Olé Olé!!!". The next day at school, the teacher asked the little boy what the first four letters of the alphabet were. He said the swear word. "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOUNG MAN!!!", the teacher boomed. "Superman", the boy replied. "WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!?!?!", the teacher continued. "In the Barbie Dream House" "GO TO THE PRINCIPALS OFFICE!!!" "OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ!", the boy chanted on his was down the hall.
Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."
What is red and tan and spins for about 50 mph?
A baby in a blender.