Friend: “What's that on your arm?”
Me: “Oh, nothing. Just decided I wanted to cosplay a tiger.”
Injury Jokes
I told a joke to a guy who had jumped off a bridge... He was in bits! 🤣🤦♂️
"FUCK IT HURTS SO BAD PLEASE SEND AN AMBULANCE I CAN'T BREATHE (I am Paul Walker btw)"
Dammit, I hanged off their nose off.
Why do we tell actors to "break a leg"?
Because every play has a cast! Get it? Lol.
When you get injured 😢
When you get injured in America 😭😭😭😭💵💵💵💵💵🏩🏩🏩
I don't need to go to the car dealership when I have a Geico scanner on my arm at all times. 😏
A woman walks into a bar and says, "Ow!"
What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
A paraplegic after a house fire.
I still remember my dad's last words, "You c***! You let the ladder go, you cuuunt!"
Smack! He hit the ground and bled out.
"Sticks and stones break my bones."
A crowbar does it so much quicker.
I slit my wrist and said, "THAT'S A LOT OF DAMAGE!" So I did it again, but with a knife and said, "NOW *THAT'S* A LOT OF DAMAGE!" I then put watertight Flex Seal on the wound, and it didn't seal.
What is red and tan and spins for about 50 mph?
A baby in a blender.
What's black and white and red all over? The prisoner I just hit with my car.
Why do emo kids not run? Because their bodies will tear apart from the bones from all the cuts.
Give a man a match, and he's warm for a few minutes. Set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
What part do people slit the most?
Everyone.
Someone asked me, "What are them scars on your arm?" I thought I was playing a violin.
A bullet is like an arrow.
Nothing can stop it from going through your head.
What is saw and bleeding and covered in bruises?
Your mum.
