Injury

Injury jokes

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I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into the school fire and said, "Hot wheels."

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    • Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”

    “And yer hand?” asks Marty.

    “When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”

    “OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”

    “I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”

    “But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”

    “True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”

    Friend: “What's that on your arm?”

    Me: “Oh, nothing. Just decided I wanted to cosplay a tiger.”

    I told a joke to a guy who had jumped off a bridge... He was in bits! 🤣🤦‍♂️

    When you get injured 😢

    When you get injured in America 😭😭😭😭💵💵💵💵💵🏩🏩🏩

    I don't need to go to the car dealership when I have a Geico scanner on my arm at all times. 😏

    I still remember my dad's last words, "You c***! You let the ladder go, you cuuunt!"

    Smack! He hit the ground and bled out.

    I slit my wrist and said, "THAT'S A LOT OF DAMAGE!" So I did it again, but with a knife and said, "NOW *THAT'S* A LOT OF DAMAGE!" I then put watertight Flex Seal on the wound, and it didn't seal.

    What is red and tan and spins for about 50 mph?

    A baby in a blender.

    What's black and white and red all over? The prisoner I just hit with my car.

    Why do emo kids not run? Because their bodies will tear apart from the bones from all the cuts.

    Give a man a match, and he's warm for a few minutes. Set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.