Injury jokes
My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheelchair. He is getting bullied, but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself.
I can hear thunder outside, which I find weird since the lightning is on my arm...
What do you say to a person who got his whole left side cut off? "Are you all right?!"
Never break a girl's/boy's/someone's heart. They only have one of them.
Break their bones instead. They have 206 of them.
I swear I witnessed your nana fall down the stairs.
L
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into the school fire and said, "Hot wheels."
Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”
“And yer hand?” asks Marty.
“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”
“OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”
“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”
“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”
“True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”
Friend: “What's that on your arm?”
Me: “Oh, nothing. Just decided I wanted to cosplay a tiger.”
I told a joke to a guy who had jumped off a bridge... He was in bits! 🤣🤦♂️
"FUCK IT HURTS SO BAD PLEASE SEND AN AMBULANCE I CAN'T BREATHE (I am Paul Walker btw)"
Dammit, I hanged off their nose off.
Why do we tell actors to "break a leg"?
Because every play has a cast! Get it? Lol.
When you get injured 😢
When you get injured in America 😭😭😭😭💵💵💵💵💵🏩🏩🏩
I don't need to go to the car dealership when I have a Geico scanner on my arm at all times. 😏
A woman walks into a bar and says, "Ow!"
What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?
A paraplegic after a house fire.
I still remember my dad's last words, "You c***! You let the ladder go, you cuuunt!"
Smack! He hit the ground and bled out.
"Sticks and stones break my bones."
A crowbar does it so much quicker.
I slit my wrist and said, "THAT'S A LOT OF DAMAGE!" So I did it again, but with a knife and said, "NOW *THAT'S* A LOT OF DAMAGE!" I then put watertight Flex Seal on the wound, and it didn't seal.
What is red and tan and spins for about 50 mph?
A baby in a blender.