Guy: Are you depression? 'Cause you're crippling me.
Car driver: No, I'm the guy that hit you with his car and crippled you.
Guy: Don't worry, I was already crippled because I got crippling depression.
Injury Jokes
Any girl can be a squirter if you hit the right artery.
OWWWWWWWWWWW I JUST GOT A CUT ON MY BUTT. Oh wait, that’s always been there.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You make them clap until they go home.
1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?
- A bus full of children.
2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
- He died of a yeast infection.
3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...
- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”
4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...
- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...
- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
What goes hahaha bonk?
A man laughing his head off.
What do my little brother and a vagina have in common?
They both ooze blood 🩸 when punched.
"Jack and Jill went home because he was sick because of the virus in town, gave him a frown, and his arms were pricked."
One day I was passing a blind man and I gave him a gun and told him it was a blow dryer.
Next day I went for another walk and saw his grave.
My little league football debut was a lot like the first time I had sex. I was beaten, bruised, and bloody, but at least my Dad came.
Q: How did Helen Keller get a concussion?
A: She kept stepping on a rake.
What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!
I broke my arm yesterday. My bro said it is Arm-ageddon, and I still don’t know why.
Me explaining to the school nurse that ice can't cure everything.
Nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl!
I need a new butt. This one has a hole in it.
My friend said having sex is a lot like your first football game.
You're bloody and bruised, but at least your dad was there.
Just cut my thumb open with a knife (not a joke).
Attention to everyone, I'm not going to be on for 2 weeks because I was in a bike accident, or more like a motorcycle accident. I was ran off the road when my 16 year old brother was taking me for a ride. Now I can't use my legs cause, well, you know. I will be taking a break because I don't want to move my legs that much.
I saw a guy beat his girlfriend to a pulp after his girlfriend threw a phone in his face. I offered to call an ambulance, but he said he was fine.
My doctor told me, "Time heals wounds."
So I stabbed him.
Now we wait...
