What do my little brother and a vagina have in common?
They both ooze blood 🩸 when punched.
"Jack and Jill went home because he was sick because of the virus in town, gave him a frown, and his arms were pricked."
One day I was passing a blind man and I gave him a gun and told him it was a blow dryer.
Next day I went for another walk and saw his grave.
My little league football debut was a lot like the first time I had sex. I was beaten, bruised, and bloody, but at least my Dad came.
Q: How did Helen Keller get a concussion?
A: She kept stepping on a rake.
What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!
I broke my arm yesterday. My bro said it is Arm-ageddon, and I still don’t know why.
Me explaining to the school nurse that ice can't cure everything.
Nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl!
I need a new butt. This one has a hole in it.
My Friend said having sex is alot like your first football game
Your bloody and bruised but at least your dad was there
Just cut my thumb open with a knife (not a joke).
Attention to everyone, I'm not going to be on for 2 weeks because I was in a bike accident, or more like a motorcycle accident. I was ran off the road when my 16 year old brother was taking me for a ride. Now I can't use my legs cause, well, you know. I will be taking a break because I don't want to move my legs that much.
I saw a guy beat his girlfriend to a pulp after his girlfriend threw a phone in his face. I offered to call an ambulance, but he said he was fine.
My doctor told me, "Time heals wounds."
So I stabbed him.
Now we wait...
What do you get when you put a baby in a box filled with glass and nails and push it down the stairs?
... A boner.
My pet parrot had an accident and lost both his wings... he is being very brave about it though... he is totally unflappable.
I'll break your bones, b*tch.
Me: I have an arrow in my head.
My friend: What's the point of that?
Me: Of the arrow?
Friend: No!
Me: Probably the flint.
I gave the blind kid a gun and said it was a hair dryer.
I gave the blind kid a gun and called it a hair dryer.
