Im

Im jokes

Gambler

    • A guy walks into a butcher's shop and says, "Sir, are you a gambling man?"

    The butcher says, "Why yes, as a matter of fact, I am."

    "Then I'll bet you $25 you can't reach up and touch that meat hanging over your head right there."

    The butcher thinks for a moment and says, "I'm sorry, I won't take that bet."

    The guy says, "But I thought you said you were a gambling man."

    "I am. But the steaks are too high."

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    • Squirrel

    • One day a truck driver had a truck full of squirrels. A police officer said, "Sir, I'm going to need you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver did so and left. The next day the driver was back, but this time the squirrels were wearing sunglasses. The officer said, "I thought I told you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver said, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the beach."

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    • Kid

    • Principal: “Why did you have to skip class? Because of that detention!”

    Kid: “Whatever!”

    Principal: “Why did you have to swear? Because of that one demerit!”

    Kid: “Doesn't matter!”

    Principal: “Why did you yell at a teacher and throw a chair at them? Because of that you're suspended!”

    Kid: “Oh well!”

    Principal: “Why did you have to push a kid down the stairs and kill them? Because of that you're expelled!”

    Kid: “I'm trying not to kill myself!”

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    • Assault

    • A black dude hits up a trap house for some crack and Hennessy, flashing his grill and boasting 'bout his gangsta life. The dealer snarls, "Pay up, fool. Or face the pipe!" He shrugs, "I'm broke, n***a." Suddenly, the dealer's ripped enforcer yanks him down, cuffs his hands with zip ties, shoves a vibrating dildo gag down his throat, slaps his ass red with a spiked paddle, then rams his throbbing monster cock into that tight hole, pounding savagely while choking him with a chain collar, flooding his guts with hot cum as he moans, "That's your high, bitch. Addicted yet?"

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    • Sister

    • I called my boss the other Monday and told him I needed the day off because I was sick. He said, "How sick?"

    I said, "Well, I'm in bed with my 12-year-old sister."

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    • Im memes

    Whale

    • So, there was a male whale and a female whale swimming through the ocean. One day the male whale sees a ship and says, "That's the ship that killed my parents!" So they go to the ship and blow the ship over and throw the men overboard into the sea.

    The male whale sees the man who killed his parents and he was still alive, so he opened his mouth and went for the man, but out of nowhere the female whale yells, "Hey!! I was in it for the blowjob, but I'm not gonna eat seamen!"

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    • Doctor

    • "I'm sorry," the doctor says, "you have a rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you, and you'll only be fed cheese and bologna."

    "Will that cure me?" the patient asks.

    "Well, no," the doctor replies, "but it's the only food that will fit under the door."

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    • Teacher

    • I was happy to find I could get a passing grade in all my subjects if I had sex with my teacher, until I remembered I'm home schooled.

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    • Parent

    • I hate it when ever I bring a girl over, my parents don't care, but when I bring one of my friends that's a boy, they're like, "Keep the door open," and I'm gay.

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    • Man

    • Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!

    Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!

    Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!

    Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!

    What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!

    What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!

    What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”

    How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!

    What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!

    What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!

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    • Orphanage

    • All of you guys in this orphanage are ABCDEFGHIJK.

    What's that? said the orphans.

    Attractive, brilliant, cute, darling, elegant, funny, gorgeous, and hot.

    What's the IJK?

    I'm just kidding! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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    • Arrest

    • My boss said she would've loved to meet Bill Cosby as a child. I don't get why I'm getting arrested. I was just making sure his dream came true.

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