Im jokes

Little Johnny was late to class. The teacher asked him where he was. Little Johnny said, "I was on top of Marry Hill." Then a kid comes late to class and also said he was on Marry Hill. Then a little girl that's about 4 or 5 comes in. The teacher asks, "Who are you?" She said, "I'M MARRY HILL!"

Teacher: I’m gonna call your parents.

Orphan: Go on, see if they pick up.

I want to tell you a joke about 9/11... but I'm afraid it will be the bomb.

I'm just like my LEDs, I'm meant to be hung.

I’m becoming a litter bit more zebra everyday.

How did Michael Jackson challenge the victim's parents? "Then why won't you slap my face, because I'm bad?"

"I’m on a hunt for my wife’s murderer, have been for years."

"Oh my God! Your wife’s been murdered?!"

"No no, you misunderstand. I’m still looking for him."

I'm related to diarrhea; it runs in my jeans.

There's going to be a party at the orphanage tonight. I'm bringing a gun.

I'm not completely useless; I can be used as a bad example.

Some people think jokes about child abuse are funny.

I'm not sure if I think that, but they do seem to hit different.

I swear I always finish on page 3 when I'm looking at family pictures.

Opposite day be like in doors.

Figure: Finally, I can see.

Eyes: Nnnnnoooo! I'm blind. Figure, I'm sorry I made fun of you all those other times. Please don't make fun of me.

Figure: Ok eye promise eye won't.

Eyes: 😭

I don’t know why people don’t say "Cobain," because I’m pretty sure Kurt Cobain didn’t miss his last shot like Kobe did.

Roses are dead. violets are dying. Outside I'm smiling. Inside I'm crying.

I'm always willing to go down on a handicapped girl.

Momma always told me to eat my vegetables.

A man was walking down the street with a swivel chair under one arm, a computer under the other, and a desk strapped to his back.

A policeman ran over to him and handcuffed him, saying, "I'm arresting you for impersonating an office, sir!"

I'm still playing hide & seek with my dad.

Want to hear a joke about construction? I'm still working on it.

They call me Mr. Distracted, truly a spastic. Can't talk to my folks cause they say I'm pro- problematic. Really fantastic. Can't focus unless I take meds then it's magic. My brain is like traffic, always fucking active. But never at the right time, pretty fucking tragic it happens.