Im jokes

I’m lost. Can you give me directions to your heart?

I thank God that I'm not as ugly as you.

Titanic: And I’m nominating all passengers for the Ice Bucket Challenge!

Asian kid: I’m not a doctor, and I’m not good at math.

Me: That’s what I call an orphan!

I've Benin there.

I'm Ghana go.

I've got to Togo.

I'm writing a movie about 9/11. It's called "September 11th Two Thousand Fun."

Girlfriend: Babe, what do you think of our love?

Me: Look at the stars in the sky.

Girlfriend: Aww... it’s infinity, right?

Me: No, it’s a waste of time.

Girlfriend: I’m breaking up with you.

Me: Whatever, when I take out the trash, I think of you.

A girl is meeting this Muslim for a date, and she asks him, "So are you Indian?"

And the Muslim goes, "No, bitch, I ain't 7-Eleven, I'm 9/11!"

Doctor: I can't treat you.

Orphan: Why!

Doctor: I'm a family doctor.

Kobe never missed a shot, but he missed the helipad.

I'm going to hell!

Guy 1: "Stop looking at my ass!" Guy 2: "I said look at Uranus." Guy 1: "I'm looking at uranus!" Guy 2: "I said Uranus like the planet!" Guy 1: "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"

Jerry Garcia: I’m going on a TRIP today!

Bob Weir: Where are you going?

Jerry Garcia: I’m already on it. 😯🦄🌈

Have you ever been accused of a crime you didn't commit? Well, I have! I was wrongfully accused of larceny yesterday. I'm not smart enough for that, I just stole some stuff.

Guys, if you saw a post from someone pretending to be me, don't listen to them.

I'm just going to be out for 3 days, or maybe for a month break. There are a lot of fakers.

They call me Juan, they call me Jose, but I'm Juan person.

I'm in school shooting. #USA

How many fingers am I holding? I'm not holding any fingers.

Guys, add me as a friend in Roblox. I'm hawaiilover973 :D

My grandfather told me I’m too reliant on technology, so I unplugged his life support and called him a hypocrite. I doubt he ever said that to anyone ever again.

I'm weird.