Im jokes

So, I was in the bathroom at school washing up, and this girl walked out of the stall and she was like, "Hey, can you make me laugh? I have been having a pretty bad day." And I was like, "Sure." I was like, "Come here." So she came over to me. I was like, "Girl, look at yourself in the mirror." And she started laughing so hard, and she said, "I'm so ugly."

Roses are red, violets are blue,

I’m sorry you look like my old beat up shoe.

When your legs forget how to work after leg day, I can't climb the stairs.

Michael Myers right behind me. Runs like I'm a track star!

At school, this gurl was like, "You're ugly!" And I'm like, "Gurl, your mirror cracks the moment you step in front of it."

I crashed into the back of a car at the lights today.

A really short guy got out of it and said, “I’m not happy.”

I said, “Well, which one are you then?”

Doctor Seuss break up lines:

"One fish, two fish, blue fish, red fish, I'm breaking up with you, bitch."

"I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered!"

I don't see why people these days choose their gender. There's only two, it's Nerf or nothing! (I'm just joking, I honestly don't care.)

I'm gonna eat a hell of a lot of popcorn kernels before I die just to make the cremation a little more interesting.

Are you my depression, because I’m falling for you?

Hello ppls, I'm lilkitten ig.

Wanna hear a joke?

No, I'm already looking at one.

I once called a depressed guy [to ask] why he loves ropes so much, and he left HUNGing on the phone. (I'm not English, so I could've talked bad.)

9/11 is like me after I'm finished with my Lego house. I destroy it! 😄🤣

I’m a god, and I’m here to flex on you bitches. My flight to New York on September 11th was rocky, but I lived.

Imagine dying on a plane, fr. At least try and respawn:/

Boy, if you don't get your "I'm Burger King with my Burger Queen!"

I'm dying... sike, I lied. You thought I died!

There was an orphan once, and someone knocks on his door and said, "Hello, son, come and hug me." But the orphan says, "Excuse me, who are you?" and the guy says, "You don't remember me? I'm your dad." And then the orphan says, "Fine then, if you're really my dad, come inside and let me ask you some questions." And the man says, "OK then, but I am really your dad." Then the orphan asked some questions to the man, and the man gets some of them right, so the orphan believes that the man is his dad. And then the orphan says, "You really are my dad?" and then he shows his dad his house, and the orphan has a roommate, and the dad and the orphan finally get to the bedroom, and then the dad knocks out the orphan, and then the dad starts to have something with the orphan/son, and the roommate hears weird noises in the orphan's/son's room, and he walks in and sees them having sex, and the roommate records it but then kicks the dad out of the house, and then the roommate shares the video to the orphan's school chat, and then the next day the dad gets arrested because he was actually a gay nonce, and everybody at the orphan's school calls him gay, but he really isn't, but since he was mad and disgusted, he pulled an AK47 out of his bag and kills everybody in the school and was never seen again.

Btw this is a joke so don't take it seriously.

I went up to the blind kid and said, "Can you get that for me?" and he said, "I can't, I'm blind." And so I said, "I see."

My sister: You were born ugly.

Me: I'm not a mirror, sis.