Im jokes
Stephen could not click the "I'm not a robot" button, so I guess he is fucked.
Mickey and Minnie are getting a divorce. The divorce lawyer says to Mickey: "Mickey, you can't divorce Minnie because she is crazy," to which Mickey responds: "I'm not divorcing her because she's crazy, I'm divorcing her because she's f**king Goofy."
Bob the Golden Retriever and Lily the Husky were talking at Bob's house.
Lily: Bob, do you think I'm fat?
Bob: No, Lily, of course not! You're just a little husky!!!! Lol. Golden Retrievers are funny.
[God creating sharks]
God: Ok give them 3 rows of teeth.
Angel: Seems excessive but ok.
God: And make them mean as hell.
Angel: WTF y.
God: BECAUSSE I SAID SO.
Angel:...
God: And make one of the types have a hammer for a head.
Angel: Why do I still work for you?
God: Because I’m the only employer as of right now.
Puns about air conditioning. I'm not a fan.
Swiggity swooty, I'm coming for that booty!
What did Pepper say to Spray?
"Hey Spray, I'm Pepper, and I think we should fight crime!"
Who deleted my stuff??? Woooow, you racist just because I'm Hispanic?
"Wanna hear a construction joke?"
"Yeah, sure."
"Wait, I'm still working on it!"
I'm a family doctor and I wish I could help but... you're an orphan.
I saw a man today wearing a t-shirt that said "I'm with stupid."
I told him, "You know, that's not very nice."
He looked at me and said, "I'm with stupid, too."
I'm life.
A husband got a message from his neighbor one day. It read, "Hey, I'm sorry I had to tell you like this but I have been doing your wife for months now." The husband went to go grab his gun and shot his wife. He hid the evidence and a few hours later he got another message from his neighbor saying, "Sorry, meant using your wifi."
H: *walks into bedroom* Why are you packing your bags?
W: I heard in New York women get paid $400 for what I do for you for free.
*Later that day*
W: *walks into the bedroom to see husband packing his bags* What are you doing?
H: I’m going with you. I want to see how you live off of $800 a year.
The teacher of the ELA class said that whoever answers this next question gets to go home. Then a kid sitting next to the window threw his bag out the window. Teacher asked who threw that, he said, "Me, I'm going home." Before he could move the teacher pointed a ruler at him and said, "At the end of this ruler is an idiot," he got suspended for asking which end.
I'd tell you a joke about infinity, but I'm afraid it will never end.
I work at a tire shop.
I'm pretty tired.
Cancer is so easy to beat. I'm already at stage four!
My friend: What are you doing?
Me: I'm making holy water.
My friend: How?
Me: I'm boiling the hell out of it.
I'm going to your mom's house. Can you help me, planet?