Im jokes

What did Stephen Hawking say when he died?

I'm logging out.

Hey dad, I'm hungry!

Hi hungry, I'm dad. Why did you name me this way, why why why?

Maybe I’ll be Tracer.

I’m already Tracer!

A man says, "I'm flying!" He realizes he was pushed out of a plane.

I’m here to collect my bounty, what’s your bounty? Your pants.

Apparently, I'm a category for jokes now. Hmm... ok!

#HOMIEZ4Life

P.S. Say "crack my finger," now say it backwards :)

Me: John, what did he do earlier?

John: Hold on, I’m trying to think.

Me: I thought I smelled poop.

I'm friends with only 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why.

I'm making a new movie, it's called "Veggie Tales." My star actor is Stephen Hawking.

Two cannibals have just captured a man and are about to eat him, so they cook him and lay him on a table. The first cannibal says, "You start at the bottom, I start at the top," so they both chow down.

About half an hour later, the second cannibal says, "I'm having a ball!" Then the first cannibal says, "Then you're eating too fast!"

A baby skunk's mother gets hit by a car, so the baby skunk doesn't know what he is.

So the baby skunk walks up to a baby bunny and asks, "What are you?" The baby bunny replies, "Well, I'm a baby bunny. What are you?" The baby skunk says, "Well, I don't know, am I a baby bunny too?"

The baby bunny says, "No, you're not a baby bunny." So the baby skunk asks, "Well, what am I then?"

The baby bunny replies, "Well, you're not exactly blank and you're not exactly white, so you must be Mexican."

When my friend says I suck at something, I'm like, "U swallow."

Please help me... I’m being held captive by Carl Wheezer.

I'm still playing hide & seek with my dad.

Roses are red, the sky is blue, what do you do? Oh, never mind, I'm not homo like you.

Hi, I'm Yeff.

Today I explain what things are fake: serial killers, clowns, Billy, fairies, your life, God, Jesus, your mom, and all your crappy fan-fictions about being saved from your even crappier life.

I'm also gonna explain real stuff: YouTube, your dad, scientists, teachers, God, Jesus, and Billy.

Stuff on both is real and fake depending on who you are. Your life IS fake. A lot of idiots will read this.

Guess how I'm getting laid tonight?

"I'm stronger than you."

It was September 10, 2001, when I stayed up watching TV shows.

I woke up late for work at The World Trade Center, but it was burning. I said out loud, "I was late! I'm happy I was late to work! I mean... I could've di-" I was then beaten and bruised by the emergency services.

Daughter: Dad.

Dad: Yes honey?

Daughter: I'm lesbian.

Dad: Ok.

Daughter 2: Dad.

Dad: Yes?

Daughter 2: I'm lesbian too.

Dad: God, does anyone like boys around here?

Son: I do...