If jokes

If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?

Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!

Friend: If you could get rid of any one person in your life, who would it be?

Me: Me.

Friend: *does nothing*

(x_x)

I forgot that I don't have friends.

Teacher: How many kids are in this classroom?

Kid: 73 if you count the ones you have hid in the basement.

If your sis makes you mad, so go to your friend's home to play.

If your sis is sad, go tell Mom.

I'm bone dry in material, but I have a skeleTON of skeleton jokes. After I tell you all these rib ticklers, you will have a bone to pick with if you didn't find that funny, you outta rip my spine out.

If Donald Trump gets any worse, they'll have to replace Air Force One with a short bus.

I was in class doing sex education. We were learning about sexual stereotypes.

My teacher turns to the class and asks, "If anyone could tell him what a sexual stereotype was?"

So I raised my hand and said, "Asians have small penis." He looked at me and said, "Very good, but I was looking for a definition."

What is a victimless crime in the state of Michigan if you are an able-bodied man who is well-endowed, not white, and not a heterosexual male?

A white male who is heterosexual and physically disabled who is sodomized by an able-bodied and well-endowed gay male who is not white inside the men's locker room at the gym.

"If you can make them laugh and giggle, you can make their booty shake and jiggle."

If you're sleeping, and you fall in your dream, you may have died, and the angels dropped you.

Or you don't wake up, and you were on your way to hell.

If you're mad, hire an orphan, what are they gonna do, tell their parents? 🤣🤣

Roses are red. Violets are blue. If he's busy on Valentine's Day, the side chick is you.

What do you get if you cross a zebra and a donkey?

Zeedonk.

Rules of dark humor.

1. Everything shall be touched.

2. If it offends someone, it shall not be touched.

If you put an amputee with no limbs in a snuggie, it becomes a stubbie.

If your parents ever accuse you of lying... Say, "You're the one who told me about Santa Claus!"

In the new Grinch, the Whos would say he stole Christmas, "Get him!" Then the Grinch said, "I'm an orphan!" That changes everything. The Whos said, "What would they do if Max was an orphan?"

If you're pan, all you have to do is get a sibling and make them get your parents to the outside of the pantry, and you burst out and then say you're pansexual!

If at first you don't succeed, cheat.

When I shit in the toilet, I think that if I shit hard enough, I can see my asshole plug.