If jokes
If a pirate was a pervert, he would say, “Are you ready, kid?”
My priest asked if anyone had any questions or anything interesting they wanted to say.
So I raised my hand, he said why don’t you tell everyone what you have to say.
In front of the whole church I said I did not know Jesus Christ was the first scarecrow.
Q: How do you know if an Asian broke into your house?
A: All your homework and the Rubik's cube you spent a year on and still can’t solve is solved. 🤓🤓🤓🤓
If an orphan wins the lottery, what do they have to use all of it on?
Years of child support!
If Joe Biden was on stage and he heard gunshots, he probably would’ve thought it was the ice cream truck.
It's not a war crime if no one's alive to report it.
It's not a hate crime if you don't hate the person.
Talk to me if you're online.
The only woman to ever tell you that they loved you was your mom. (If she even loved you in the first place.)
Adopting a kid is like having a yard sale! I mean, if the owners don't want it anymore, what makes you think I want it?
Why are friends a lot like snow?
If you pee on them, they disappear.
What if Stephen Hawking was the Real Slim Shady, but no one knew because he couldn't stand up?
Roses are red, Kevin Spacey is gay,
If you'd stayed with your parents, I wouldn't have taken you away.
A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."
"Interesting."
"That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.
If an orphan were to get a takeaway, what’s the home address?
What time is it if you sprain an ankle or an arm?
Time to go to the doctor! 🥼
If there are 12 fish and 6 drown, how many are left?
12, because fish don't drown.
What is the best Christmas present ever? A broken drum! You just can't beat it!
What do you call an angry reindeer? RUDE-olph!
What is Santa's favorite breakfast? Snowflakes!
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis!
If someone is mean to an orphan just say, "I will call your mum," and make them cry even more.
If girls are vegan, why do they suck dick?