If jokes

My bf: Knock knock.

Me: Who's there?

My bf: Ice cream.

Me: Ice cream who?

My bf: I scream if you don't let me see that smoking hot body!

If you are a banana, why don't you eat a banana?

Oh right, you'd be a cannibal. I mean a banan-i-ball.

If you're ever bored, just slap an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

We can nip March Madness in the bud, but only if we detect the warning signs of brooding, anti-social February Fever.

Because all I do is pound it, man. I would put you on my "600 Pound Life" if you didn't weigh 1,000.

What do you get when you cross an atheist an insomniac?

Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.

If an orphan were to get a takeaway, what’s the home address?

If you are on here, don’t hate. There will be rude ones, but it doesn’t matter.

I asked my girlfriend if she was a smoke alarm. She said, "Is it because I warned him when hotness came?" I said, "No, you don’t shut up!"

If you ever get cold, just stand in a corner. There's usually 90 degrees.

Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably shit.

If there are 12 fish and 6 drown, how many are left?

12, because fish don't drown.

What is the best Christmas present ever? A broken drum! You just can't beat it!

What do you call an angry reindeer? RUDE-olph!

What is Santa's favorite breakfast? Snowflakes!

What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis!

What time is it if you sprain an ankle or an arm?

Time to go to the doctor! 🥼

What do orphans, parents, and a ball have in common?

If you throw them, they both will never come back.

My priest asked if anyone had any questions or anything interesting they wanted to say.

So I raised my hand, he said why don’t you tell everyone what you have to say.

In front of the whole church I said I did not know Jesus Christ was the first scarecrow.

If you don't like my spelling, Explain Bear, have you realized I'm a duck and you are a bear? I've got more internet power and meme power, so shut the duck up and get a life and stay off my property and the internet.

If you give a dwarf 5-Hour Energy, will it become 2.5-hour Energy?

If I get 50 likes on this, I swear. 🦋

Little Johnny's neighbor just had a baby. He got invited to dinner with his neighbor. Little Johnny's dad said if he mentioned "ears" he will get a spank.

So Johnny looked in the bassinet. They were talking about the new baby. Johnny's mum said, "What beautiful eyes."

"That is great," said little Johnny, "because he will be stuffed if he needed glasses."