If jokes

Roses are red, I like weed,

If you say yes then I'll do a "good deed."

What do a pulse and an orgasm have in common?

I don’t care if she has one.

The West is dying...just like the romance of an empire, especially the western part of the empire. Funny that, 'cause the East was going strong.

Beans for centuries have been called "false friends," because they have a tendency to talk behind one's back. If you get my drift. 🤣

Fineman, Einstein, and Schrodinger walked into a bar.

Fineman says, "It appears we're inside a joke."

Einstein says, "But only to an observer who saw us walk in simultaneously."

To which Schrodinger says, "If someone's looking through the window, I'm leaving!"

I asked a man if I was the fastest gun in the west. He said my 17 wasn't good enough. After that, a lot of lead went into his head.

If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?

What am I if my neck is covered in red bumps, my ears are the size of a giant corn cob, my skin is ruby red, my eyes are bloodshot, I have green skin, and fur growing all over my body? Horribly ugly.

If I don't get a bf by the end of this month, Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging from the roof.

If your nose runs and your feet smell, you are probably built upside down.

Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me?

Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.

If reincarnation is correct, if you die now, you can be reborn and live a second life. If you were born in Ukraine, you can immediately live a third life.

If I was God, my parents would be anesthetists.

I think about my life, and then I think about death. I prefer death. If you ask me, life is just a time when you die. Basically, death is life, meaningless 0-0.

Sonic says if you're ever born, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it a la mode.

My friend is upset with me because I sniffed his grandmother's nickers. Not sure if it was because she was still wearing them or if it was because the whole family was watching. Either way, the rest of her funeral was really awkward.

Yep, if someone says to you, "I can't roast trash," say, "Well, some trash is used for recycling, and that is why you have a baby brother!"

If Bruce Willis (the guy in the Christmas movie Die Hard) dies of a Viagra overdose, would that mean he truly dies hard?

If you’re American when you go in the bathroom...

... and American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?

European.