If jokes

Yo, if Russia comes to the USA, just know their reboot cards don't expire.

If I was God, my parents would be anesthetists.

Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me?

Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.

Sonic says if you're ever born, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

Fineman, Einstein, and Schrodinger walked into a bar.

Fineman says, "It appears we're inside a joke."

Einstein says, "But only to an observer who saw us walk in simultaneously."

To which Schrodinger says, "If someone's looking through the window, I'm leaving!"

I asked a man if I was the fastest gun in the west. He said my 17 wasn't good enough. After that, a lot of lead went into his head.

I jump and jump if you put bread in me too many times. What am I? A toaster.

If reincarnation is correct, if you die now, you can be reborn and live a second life. If you were born in Ukraine, you can immediately live a third life.

I wonder if Stephen Hawking was an organ donor, because I need new parts for my go-kart.

This is not a joke, nor did I come up with it.

If somebody calls you ugly, just hug them and say, "Life must be hard for you since you have visual impairment!"

If an orphan takes a selfie, it is a family photo.

If you kick an orphan, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents on you?

How to cure boredom:

If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

Tyler is ugly.

If you are called Tyler, change your name.

I heard the Kardashians were going on a cruise soon.

As if there's not already enough plastic in the ocean.

Why did the cop ask the orphan if he was home alone?

The orphan said because my parents have never come back yet because I have none.

If you're pro-life, I hope you get hit by a bus today!

There was an exam music quiz question about Gary Glitter. Now, if there's anyone you don't want to associate with the phrase "shh, turn over, you've got an hour," it's him.

Shit, my bad. I should leave him alone, he just wants to settle down and have kids.

They say mistakes make you stronger. If that were true, then whoever made that nonexistent thing called “women's rights” would have muscles bigger than a white girl.

I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, and they got excited and asked if I could drive a B-52.