If jokes

Breakfast

    • They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, well not if it's poisoned.

    Then the antidote becomes the most important.

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    • Shooting

    • Every kid in a classroom is relevant, because if one of them gets shot, they will all be featured on the news.

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    • Alphabet

    • Dang... if I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put D IN U ;)

    I only know there are 25 letters in the alphabet, I don't know Y.

    (Me: How many letters are in the alphabet?) -- (Friend: 11- T-H-E-- A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T)

    (Me: There are 20 letters in the alphabet, right?) -- (Crush: No, there is actually 26.) -- (Me: oooOoh, I forgot u r a qt! So its acdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz?) -- (Crush: You forgot the D) -- (Me: That's not needed yet ;])

    What letter is really hot? T

    C = cOCK O = CoCK C = COcK K = COCk COCK = cock cock = COCK

    ME SExUAL SRrY LoL

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    • Toilet Paper

    • Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road? Cause it got stuck in the crack.

    *If you don't get it, it got stuck in the butt crack.*

    Toaster

    • I will remember my brother's last words: if you can't put a fork in a toaster, how about a spoon?

    If memes

    Hooker

    • What do a bungee jump and a hooker have in common?

    They’re both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you’re pretty much screwed.

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    • Site

    • If you're reading this, then good, let's stop this hating on this site! We can just get along, or if not, then don't say anything at all! "Kiss."

    Terrorist

    • I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!

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    • Forehead

    • Your forehead's so big, Jupiter's moons look up to it.

    If you shined a light on it, it would reflect and be a star in the Andromeda galaxy.

    Your forehead's so big, it's the main foundation for the wall of China.

    Your forehead's so big, it makes up half of the Milky Way's mass.

    Your forehead's the reason why the Earth still spins.

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    • Pedophile

    • The daughter of an incestuous pedophile goes into the living room where he is watching TV and asks him if she can borrow the car that evening.

    "Sure honey! If you suck my dick!"

    So she gets down on him but something is wrong. She pops her head up and says: "Dad! This tastes like shit!"

    "Oh yeah, I forgot," says the father. "I already gave your brother the car for tonight."

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    • Voodoo dick

    • I can NOT take any responsibility and credit for this, it just said what's your favourite joke so I'm writing it in favor of them: A man needs to leave for a lengthy business trip, but his wife is saddened by this. She explains to him that if he isn’t home every night, there will be no way to satisfy herself if she feels horny.

    The man claims that she doesn’t need sex, because a dildo should work just fine. He quickly runs to the local gift shop and asks the cashier if the store carries anything really special. The cashier quietly pulls out an old box, and removes a wooden penis from inside. The cashier states that the dildo has been passed down in his family for generations, and was crafted by a witch deep within the Amazon jungle. The cashier sits up in his chair and shouts “Voodoo Dick, the door!” The wooden penis flies across the room, and begins to rapidly thrust itself in and out of the front door keyhole. “Voodoo Dick, the lamp!” The wooden penis flies up inside of the lamp on the cashier’s desk, and once again, begins to thrust in and out. “Voodoo Dick, return to your box!” The wooden penis flies back into the box and the cashier closes the lid. The man chooses to buy the wooden penis, and just as he is about to leave, the cashier tells him a very important bit of information regarding the Voodoo Dick: “The cursed dildo can only be controlled through verbal commands, it is far too powerful to be moved by hand,” says the cashier. “You must never forget that!” The man nods and heads home.

    Later that day, the man explains to his wife how the sex toy works, and then leaves for his trip. A few days later, the wife becomes very horny, and opens up the box. She proceeds to shout “Voodoo Dick, my pussy!” The dildo zooms into her vagina, and pleasures her for roughly 6-8 hours. She soon begins to grow tired, and attempts to pull the dildo out of her. She pulls as hard as she can, but just can’t get it it. The wife panicks, and begins driving to the hospital with the wooden penis still inside of her vagina. A police officer pulls her over for speeding, and asks to see some identification. The wife exclaims “Help, help, there is a Voodoo Dick inside of my vagina and it won’t come out!” The officer raises an eyebrow in disbelief. “Voodoo Dick my ass, bitch.”

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