If jokes
Person with no arms: Even though I have no arms, I can do anything you guys can.
Me: If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏 If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏
Person with no arms: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Ms. Smith: Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze, and I would stay like that.
Little Johnny: Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.
Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?
Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!
A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a Martinus.
"Don't you mean a martini?" asks the bartender.
The Roman replies, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for one!"
What do orgasms and impulses have in common?
I don’t care if they have either of them.
I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7's and 8's.
If at first you don't succeed, blame it on the patriarchy.
I wonder if Kobe Bryant enjoyed his last flight.
If a pregnant lady murders someone, does the child get an assist?
If your house is cold, just stand in the corner. It's always 90 degrees there.
If a woman says she needs to set boundaries between you and her, you would be crossing it if you are a Mexican.
If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
Maybe you should go on eBay to see if they have a life for sale.
Why did the cop ask the orphan if he was home alone?
The orphan said because my parents have never come back yet because I have none.
"If two sides in a battlefield read my book, there will be no winner."
Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
"It's not a war crime if you invade a country with oil."
-Sun Tzu, Art of War
You're so poor, if I ever broke into your house, I'd give you things.
If an emo kid and the quiet kid had a fight, the quiet kid would win because the emo kid would hang himself to death.
There was a girl called Millie, and she had sexy blond hair, and she wanted to chase me, but I told her she had to catch me first if she loves me.
If mom saw you, she would die and be happy because of you being ugly.