If jokes

"If your enemy is kicking your ass, blame it on the lag."

-- Sun Tzu, The Art of War

"If two sides in a battlefield read my book, there will be no winner."

Sun Tzu, The Art of War.

I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, and they got excited and asked if I could drive a B-52.

If a woman says she needs to set boundaries between you and her, you would be crossing it if you are a Mexican.

At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, "That's the fourth time you've gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn't it embarrass you?"

"Why should it?" answered her spouse. "I keep telling them it's for you."

Maybe you should go on eBay to see if they have a life for sale.

Why did the cop ask the orphan if he was home alone?

The orphan said because my parents have never come back yet because I have none.

I only have a few friends, like if you relate.

Based on a true story.

If you're pro-life, I hope you get hit by a bus today!

There was an exam music quiz question about Gary Glitter. Now, if there's anyone you don't want to associate with the phrase "shh, turn over, you've got an hour," it's him.

Shit, my bad. I should leave him alone, he just wants to settle down and have kids.

If you’re ever bored, punch an orphan.

What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

If you're ever bored, just punch an orphan, because what are they gonna do, tell their parents?

If you killed an orphan's family... oh wait!

Mary: If you born pikin (child) inside shop, wetin you go call that pikin (child)?

Mike: The pikin (child) go bear Bishop.

If 7 8 9 why was ten scared?

It was right in the middle of 9/11.

They say mistakes make you stronger. If that were true, then whoever made that nonexistent thing called “women's rights” would have muscles bigger than a white girl.

If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

Life is like a box of chocolates. It gets finished pretty quickly if you're a fat guy.

If you give Kobe Bryant a cigarette, he will be warm for a short time.

But he was set on fire in the helicopter crash, so now he's warm for the rest of his life.

If you get out of the shower clean, how does your towel get dirty?