If jokes

At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, "That's the fourth time you've gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn't it embarrass you?"

"Why should it?" answered her spouse. "I keep telling them it's for you."

Maybe you should go on eBay to see if they have a life for sale.

Why did the cop ask the orphan if he was home alone?

The orphan said because my parents have never come back yet because I have none.

I only have a few friends, like if you relate.

Based on a true story.

If you're pro-life, I hope you get hit by a bus today!

There was an exam music quiz question about Gary Glitter. Now, if there's anyone you don't want to associate with the phrase "shh, turn over, you've got an hour," it's him.

Shit, my bad. I should leave him alone, he just wants to settle down and have kids.

If you’re ever bored, punch an orphan.

What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

If you're ever bored, just punch an orphan, because what are they gonna do, tell their parents?

If you killed an orphan's family... oh wait!

Mary: If you born pikin (child) inside shop, wetin you go call that pikin (child)?

Mike: The pikin (child) go bear Bishop.

If 7 8 9 why was ten scared?

It was right in the middle of 9/11.

They say mistakes make you stronger. If that were true, then whoever made that nonexistent thing called “women's rights” would have muscles bigger than a white girl.

If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

Life is like a box of chocolates. It gets finished pretty quickly if you're a fat guy.

If you give Kobe Bryant a cigarette, he will be warm for a short time.

But he was set on fire in the helicopter crash, so now he's warm for the rest of his life.

If you get out of the shower clean, how does your towel get dirty?

If wishes were horses, Beggars would ride.

If turnips were watches, I would wear one by my side.

And if if's and an's were pots and pans, The tinker would never work!

I was doing a race, and I started after everyone 'cause I fell, but when I got up I realized I couldn't even race, not because I was behind, but because I can't go straight if I'm gay...

If you kill a killer, the same amount of killers in the room stays the same.

One day I was saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, “Yeah, what gave me away?” I said, “His parents.”