If jokes

Why don't orphans like getting lost?

Because if people find them, they ask, "Where are your parents?"

I asked the emo kid if he was depressed that his phone died before him.

If we send more mosquitoes to Africa, we could save more mosquitoes from dying of AIDS.

If laughter is contagious, LEO is immune.

What would Bill Cosby be if he was white?

Innocent.

If LEO were a spice, she’d be flour... BLAND and FORGETTABLE!

This was a few months ago. I used to help people load and unload inventory. One day I’m driving home after having lunch with my sister, and she asked if we can stop at the next gas station. I told her, "So you can weigh yourself on the truck scale?"

I complained to my dad why he never took me to the zoo.

He said if they want you, they’ll come get you.

If a tree could be any animal, what would it be?

Answer: A dog because of its bark lol. 😀

If all women disappeared one day, it would be a pain in the ass.

Ms. Smith: Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze, and I would stay like that.

Little Johnny: Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.

If you don’t know the difference between their, there, and they’re, then you're an idiot.

What does broccoli and sex have in common?

If you were forced to have it as a kid, you’re gonna hate it as an adult.

Person with no arms: Even though I have no arms, I can do anything you guys can.

Me: If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏 If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏

Person with no arms: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?

Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!

It's easy to tell if a skeleton is lying to you because you can see right through them.

If a pregnant lady murders someone, does the child get an assist?

If your house is cold, just stand in the corner. It's always 90 degrees there.

What do orgasms and impulses have in common?

I don’t care if they have either of them.

I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7's and 8's.