If jokes

What do you do if your dick is smoking?

Get your mum to lick it.

My friend in a wheelchair is autistic and tried to fight me, so I said: "If you wanna fight me, I'll run up the stairs, and by the time you get up the stairs, I'll already be down the stairs waiting," and he started crying.

I find it interesting that if you rearrange the letters in the word “Mother-in-law” you get the words “Woman Hitler”.

Why did Hellen Keller's dogs run away?

Because wouldn't you runway too if your name was djhdhekdndyekedhekekfjkfurir?

I love sucking on food because if you really think about it, tits can be counted as food, so I could technically suck on a woman's tits.

"If your enemy is kicking your ass, blame it on the lag."

-- Sun Tzu, The Art of War

"If two sides in a battlefield read my book, there will be no winner."

Sun Tzu, The Art of War.

"It's not a war crime if you invade a country with oil."

-Sun Tzu, Art of War

You're so poor, if I ever broke into your house, I'd give you things.

If an emo kid and the quiet kid had a fight, the quiet kid would win because the emo kid would hang himself to death.

Kids in wheelchairs can't stand up for themselves if there's a bully.

There was a girl called Millie, and she had sexy blond hair, and she wanted to chase me, but I told her she had to catch me first if she loves me.

Me: Breathe right now if you wanna date me.

If you tried to look at your hairline in a mirror, it would shatter into 100,000,000,000 pieces.

If your controller ever dies, remember those people that died on the submersible.

Like if you will sub to Patty Mahomes.

Comment if you will sub to Parker Finch.

If you think of a president as your king, then the USA got checkmated on November 22nd, 1963.

If I had kept all my two cents to myself, I'd have enough money to publish my own newspaper now.

If you are a girl and your favorite movie as a kid was Mulan, they successfully made a man out of you.

If you text your crush and they leave you on read, just know that "read" has four letters. You know what also has four letters? "Mine." So that basically means that you are theirs. :)