If jokes

I find it interesting that if you rearrange the letters in the word “Mother-in-law” you get the words “Woman Hitler”.

My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

If you think of a president as your king, then the USA got checkmated on November 22nd, 1963.

If I had kept all my two cents to myself, I'd have enough money to publish my own newspaper now.

If you are a girl and your favorite movie as a kid was Mulan, they successfully made a man out of you.

Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.

Like if you will sub to Patty Mahomes.

Comment if you will sub to Parker Finch.

If you text your crush and they leave you on read, just know that "read" has four letters. You know what also has four letters? "Mine." So that basically means that you are theirs. :)

Why did Hellen Keller's dogs run away?

Because wouldn't you runway too if your name was djhdhekdndyekedhekekfjkfurir?

Me: Breathe right now if you wanna date me.

If you were a room in my house, I’d make you the basement.

So I could put kids inside you.

I thought a waitress said to me, "You're good looking." In fact, she was asking if I'd like some pudding.

I love sucking on food because if you really think about it, tits can be counted as food, so I could technically suck on a woman's tits.

If you tried to look at your hairline in a mirror, it would shatter into 100,000,000,000 pieces.

If your controller ever dies, remember those people that died on the submersible.

My friend in a wheelchair is autistic and tried to fight me, so I said: "If you wanna fight me, I'll run up the stairs, and by the time you get up the stairs, I'll already be down the stairs waiting," and he started crying.

Once my twin brother died from a plane crash. His last words were, "If it's a bomb, I'll give it a 9/11."

What’s the best part of fucking Noor’s vulva (btw Noor is black)? If my dick is right beside Mara’s vulva (btw Mara’s white and so am I).

What does broccoli and sex have in common?

If you were forced to have it as a kid, you’re gonna hate it as an adult.

Person with no arms: Even though I have no arms, I can do anything you guys can.

Me: If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏 If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏

Person with no arms: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭