Hygiene jokes
Your mama is so fat, when she farted, the world had to wear gas masks.
Yo mama's ass is maddddd crusty!
You got no lotion to masturbate, then you remember there's some leftover porridge in the fridge. 😌🤎😇
You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose 👃, but you can't pick your friends' noses 👃 👃 👃.
You should always wash your sex toys. That’s why priests invented baptism.
You smell!
How do mice floss their teeth? With string cheese.
Why can't the toilet paper be cheeky?
It's between cheeks at the moment.
What do girls and toilet roll have in common?
They both deal with a lot of crap.
Lady: "Can I lick your balls?"
Me: "Ummmmm, ok?"
Lady: *grabs ball sack and licks my balls*
Me: "I'm gonna have to clean these now!"
Lady: "Let me do that."
Me: "No, thank you! I have to use these baseballs for practice!"
What do hockey players and Surrey girls have in common?
They both only change their pads after every third period!
What goes in hard and comes out soft? A toothbrush.
You don't usually see strap-hangers carrying newspapers these days.
But one guy with the New York Times is seen getting on a crowded F Train. He notices a single seat not taken. Suspicious, he gets closer and sniffs it out. The seat is discolored but dry. Throwing caution to the winds, he removes a section from the paper and sets it down to buffer the spot from his behind. He sits down, stretches his feet and yells out: "Try sitting on your smartphones, suckers!"
I'm not saying you're annoying.
But if a yeast infection were a person, it would be you.
What is brown and smelly? Is it a fart? Is it a carcass? Wrong, it's a dirty toilet.
What do you call a terrorist swimming?
A bath bomb!
What do your underwear and the Starship Enterprise have in common?
They are both concerned about “Klingons near your anus”.
The toothbrush says, "I have the worst job in the whole world."
The toilet paper behind him says, "Yeah, right."
Why don't pirates take a shower before walking the plank?
They just wash up on shore.
Herpes? No, I don't want her. Her pees.