Hygiene jokes
Don't use Head and Shoulders, just use Head; otherwise, you'll end up in the retarded situation Stephen Hawking went through.
KFC doesn’t use toilet paper because it is finger lickin' good!
Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
It was on a roll.
How do you know your Dad's been fucking your sister?
His dick tastes funny...
Today, there was a big test for Little Timmy. During the test, Timmy had to take a really huge shit. So, he rushed to the bathroom. He took a while in there.
When he was done, he realized there was no more toilet paper left. Since there was nothing around him to use, the only thing he could do was wipe with his hand. His time in the bathroom was up, and he needed to finish that test! He didn’t have time to wash his hands. So, he hurried back. The problem was, the hand he wiped with was his right hand. He used his left hand to complete the test, which made him fail. When he got home, his mother was standing there crossing her arms. “Timmy, the teacher had called and said you wrote sloppy on your test. Why is that?” Timmy replied, “Oh, it’s because I caught a leprechaun with my right hand, but if I opened it, my classmates would scare him away, so I had to use my left.” Timmy’s mother glared at him with disbelief. “Timmy, I don’t believe you. Now open your hand!” Timmy did so and opened his hand. “See, mother? I said you’d scare the shit out of him!”
Why is there no toilet paper at KFC?
Because it's finger lickin' good!
What do you call a swimming terrorist? A bath bomb.
What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?
He wipes his butt.
What do cannibals eat to freshen their teeth?
Mentos.
What’s the difference between KFC and a woman on her period?
One is finger-licking good, and the other is just a fast-food restaurant.
Why did Cleopatra bathe in milk? She couldn’t find a cow tall enough to have a shower.
My friend is gonna release an air strike. There has to be at least 20 confirmed toilet kills.
You're so full of shit that the toilet's jealous.
What's long, hard, and slimy?
A bar of soap.
What does a gynecologist and delivery driver have in common?
Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.
They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
Give him a tampon and ask him what period it came from.
Why does an orphan go to a sewer?
So it can wash up.
I was trying to make homemade baby powder until I realized it isn't made from babies, oops wrong ingredient... smh
How do you punish Helen Keller?
Leave the plunger in the toilet.