Hygiene jokes

Toothbrush says, "I have the worst job ever."

Toilet paper says, "You think your job is shitty."

If your girl smells like tilapia, don’t let her on top of ya.

Don't use Head and Shoulders, just use Head; otherwise, you'll end up in the retarded situation Stephen Hawking went through.

KFC doesn’t use toilet paper because it is finger lickin' good!

Why did the toilet paper cross the road?

It was on a roll.

Today, there was a big test for Little Timmy. During the test, Timmy had to take a really huge shit. So, he rushed to the bathroom. He took a while in there.

When he was done, he realized there was no more toilet paper left. Since there was nothing around him to use, the only thing he could do was wipe with his hand. His time in the bathroom was up, and he needed to finish that test! He didn’t have time to wash his hands. So, he hurried back. The problem was, the hand he wiped with was his right hand. He used his left hand to complete the test, which made him fail. When he got home, his mother was standing there crossing her arms. “Timmy, the teacher had called and said you wrote sloppy on your test. Why is that?” Timmy replied, “Oh, it’s because I caught a leprechaun with my right hand, but if I opened it, my classmates would scare him away, so I had to use my left.” Timmy’s mother glared at him with disbelief. “Timmy, I don’t believe you. Now open your hand!” Timmy did so and opened his hand. “See, mother? I said you’d scare the shit out of him!”

I was trying to make homemade baby powder until I realized it isn't made from babies, oops wrong ingredient... smh

Why does an orphan go to a sewer?

So it can wash up.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.

They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

What does a gynecologist and delivery driver have in common?

Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box.

Why is there no toilet paper at KFC?

Because it's finger lickin' good!

What do cannibals eat to freshen their teeth?

Mentos.

What’s the difference between KFC and a woman on her period?

One is finger-licking good, and the other is just a fast-food restaurant.

You're so full of shit that the toilet's jealous.

What do you call a swimming terrorist? A bath bomb.

Why did Cleopatra bathe in milk? She couldn’t find a cow tall enough to have a shower.

What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?

He wipes his butt.

Roses are red, violets are blue, Your ass is clean because Randy won’t stop liking [it].

What's long, hard, and slimy?

A bar of soap.

My friend is gonna release an air strike. There has to be at least 20 confirmed toilet kills.