KFC doesn’t use toilet paper because it is finger lickin' good!
Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
It was on a roll.
How do you know your Dad's been fucking your sister?
His dick tastes funny...
Today, there was a big test for Little Timmy. During the test, Timmy had to take a really huge shit. So, he rushed to the bathroom. He took a while in there.
When he was done, he realized there was no more toilet paper left. Since there was nothing around him to use, the only thing he could do was wipe with his hand. His time in the bathroom was up, and he needed to finish that test! He didn’t have time to wash his hands. So, he hurried back. The problem was, the hand he wiped with was his right hand. He used his left hand to complete the test, which made him fail. When he got home, his mother was standing there crossing her arms. “Timmy, the teacher had called and said you wrote sloppy on your test. Why is that?” Timmy replied, “Oh, it’s because I caught a leprechaun with my right hand, but if I opened it, my classmates would scare him away, so I had to use my left.” Timmy’s mother glared at him with disbelief. “Timmy, I don’t believe you. Now open your hand!” Timmy did so and opened his hand. “See, mother? I said you’d scare the shit out of him!”
I was trying to make homemade baby powder until I realized it isn't made from babies, oops wrong ingredient... smh
What does gum in my d*ck have in common?
Both get chewed on by little kids.
My friend is gonna release an air strike. There has to be at least 20 confirmed toilet kills.
What do you call a swimming terrorist? A bath bomb.
Why did Cleopatra bathe in milk? She couldn’t find a cow tall enough to have a shower.
You're so full of shit that the toilet's jealous.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.
They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
What does a gynecologist and delivery driver have in common?
Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box.
What's long, hard, and slimy?
A bar of soap.
Kid: Licks money.
Mom: Hey, don’t lick the money. It is dirty.
Kid: Is that why they call people filthy rich?
I have had an obsession with soap. Don’t worry, I am all clean now!
So, I was in the bathroom at school washing up, and this girl walked out of the stall and she was like, "Hey, can you make me laugh? I have been having a pretty bad day." And I was like, "Sure." I was like, "Come here." So she came over to me. I was like, "Girl, look at yourself in the mirror." And she started laughing so hard, and she said, "I'm so ugly."
Here is a funny little prank I did on my sister. So she was in her room when she reached to get her shampoo, cause you know girls and hair, when she went to squeeze it out, it came out oil, toothpaste, chicken breast, barf, and onions! SHE PUT IT IN HER HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GROSS BUT FUNNY!
When she got to school she heard kids laughing at her cause the prankster did it again!
Later!
What did the bottle of conditioner do on the toilet?
Shampoo.
If you drink hand sanitizer, does it only kill 99.9% of you?...........💀
A good bath is like a dead lover.
You can enjoy them, that is until they get too cold.
