Hygiene jokes

Little Johnny walked into an ice cream shop and asked: "Do you have chocolate filled ice cream?"

The man replies: "We are out of that, sorry, we are almost out of every single flavor, do you want me to get you a vanilla filled one?"

Johnny replies: "Sure."

After that, the man asks for Johnny's phone and goes to back of the store. 5 minutes later, the man comes with an ice cream and Johnny's phone.

Johnny asks: "How much for the ice cream?"

The man replies: "Nothing, it's on the house."

After Johnny ate his delicious ice cream, he searched for his watch history. And then Johnny realized the flavor of the ice cream.

How do you know your Dad's been fucking your sister?

His dick tastes funny...

At least if you're fat you don't need to put as much bathwater in the bath.

Toothbrush says, "I have the worst job ever."

Toilet paper says, "You think your job is shitty."

If your girl smells like tilapia, don’t let her on top of ya.

Don't use Head and Shoulders, just use Head; otherwise, you'll end up in the retarded situation Stephen Hawking went through.

KFC doesn’t use toilet paper because it is finger lickin' good!

Why did the toilet paper cross the road?

It was on a roll.

What do you call it when you get away with masturbating in the shower?

You got off clean.

Today, there was a big test for Little Timmy. During the test, Timmy had to take a really huge shit. So, he rushed to the bathroom. He took a while in there.

When he was done, he realized there was no more toilet paper left. Since there was nothing around him to use, the only thing he could do was wipe with his hand. His time in the bathroom was up, and he needed to finish that test! He didn’t have time to wash his hands. So, he hurried back. The problem was, the hand he wiped with was his right hand. He used his left hand to complete the test, which made him fail. When he got home, his mother was standing there crossing her arms. “Timmy, the teacher had called and said you wrote sloppy on your test. Why is that?” Timmy replied, “Oh, it’s because I caught a leprechaun with my right hand, but if I opened it, my classmates would scare him away, so I had to use my left.” Timmy’s mother glared at him with disbelief. “Timmy, I don’t believe you. Now open your hand!” Timmy did so and opened his hand. “See, mother? I said you’d scare the shit out of him!”

What does a gynecologist and delivery driver have in common?

Whenever they’re hungry, they can just scrape a little cheese off the top of the box.

What's the difference between a hipster and a hockey player? A hockey player changes his pads every third period.

Why does an orphan go to a sewer?

So it can wash up.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.

They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

How do you embarrass an archaeologist?

Give him a tampon and ask him what period it came from.

I was trying to make homemade baby powder until I realized it isn't made from babies, oops wrong ingredient... smh

What does a cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?

He wipes his butt.

Roses are red, violets are blue, Your ass is clean because Randy won’t stop liking [it].

Why is there no toilet paper at KFC?

Because it's finger lickin' good!

What do cannibals eat to freshen their teeth?

Mentos.