Hygiene jokes
What do you call a suicide bomber under the water?
A bath bomb.
My anus smells.
What did one toilet say to the other?
You look pretty flushed.
Bleach solves so many problems: stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation.
Your mama's so fat when she sat on the toilet, the toilet said, "A, B, C, D, E, F, G, get your fat ass off of me!"
When the people that see you cry, that doesn't mean they miss you. That mean they scared of your onion breath! 🐑💨
Just letting you know if people cry when they see you, that doesn't mean they miss you. That means they're scared of your onion breath.
Why do lesbians get their belly button pierced?
So they have a place to hang the air freshener.
Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
So you can tell them apart from the feminists.
What is the point of buttchins?
To catch flies.
What does gum in my d*ck have in common?
Both get chewed on by little kids.
Why are people surprised by Johnny Depp having $30,000 wine bills, domestic violence accusations, rampant substance abuse, poor hygiene, and the looks of a predator?
He grew up a Florida Man, after all.
"I'm sorry," the doctor says, "you have a rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you, and you'll only be fed cheese and bologna."
"Will that cure me?" the patient asks.
"Well, no," the doctor replies, "but it's the only food that will fit under the door."
What do you call it when a girl on her period goes swimming?
A blood bath.
You know you’re going bald when you use more toothpaste than shampoo.
What's at least 6 inches long and goes in your mouth, and it's more fun if it vibrates?
A toothbrush.
What is six inches, goes in your mouth, and it's fun when it vibrates? A toothbrush.
Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A: He wiped his ass.
You're so skinny, you use chapstick as deodorant.
What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste!