Hygiene jokes
My autistic son hates taking baths or showers.
I don’t blame him, I don’t like soggy vegetables either.
Just shit my pants and it ran all down my legs... last time I eat at Popeyes.
I told my sister that when you go to bed with an itchy butt, you're going to have smelly fingers in the morning, and I've never heard her laugh so hard in my life.
A, B, C, E, F, G. You smell like a baby. Maybe you should not be "Hati-ey."
Your computer just went in my bathroom and took a shit because you put too much chili in the bowl.
Did you just fart a minute ago in the dumpster? I can tell you probably had a mud burrito for breakfast.
I just took an orange soda bath this morning. The next thing I knew, it turned out to be a river of Orange Crush.
This morning I woke up, then took a bath with some chocolate mud. At first, when I turned the damn flossers on, I noticed it wasn't water. It was all chocolate mud, and now my body is all chocolatey.
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road? Cause it got stuck in the crack.
*If you don't get it, it got stuck in the butt crack.*
Keep the planet clean. It's not Uranus.
I told my therapist you are too fat and ugly to date grown men. Then she asked me, "You wanna give a judgemental reaction about that?" I said, "Okay, you smell rat pee on somebody's cock."
Why would you not let an elephant sleep in the same bed with you?
Because they stink and now the room smells like elephant shit.
Why did you put your dirty ass feet in my grits without telling me all this?
Because I forgot to wash and dry them with a paper towel.
The other day all those toilet papers came by my house and asked do I have any crack candy. Naw, I don't have no damn crack candy or no crack apples. All I have here in the backyard is a peanut butter crack sandwich. Help yourself, and while you're at it, clean up all the damn doggie dodo that's everywhere. Thank you, Mr. Toilet Papers.
Where do rabbits take baths and wash their asses?
A: What's the difference between a toilet and a washing basin?
B: I don't know.
A: Then I guess your house looks beautiful...
B: ...
Yo mama is so poor, she makes her own hand sanitizer.
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
He wiped his ass.
Your momma's so nasty, she sucked your daddy's dick and kissed you good night!
"Number 15: Burger King foot lettuce. The last thing you want in your Burger King burger is someone's foot fungus, but as it turns out, that might be what you get."