Hygiene Jokes

Little Johnny walked into an ice cream shop and asked: "Do you have chocolate filled ice cream?"

The man replies: "We are out of that, sorry, we are almost out of every single flavor, do you want me to get you a vanilla filled one?"

Johnny replies: "Sure."

After that, the man asks for Johnny's phone and goes to back of the store. 5 minutes later, the man comes with an ice cream and Johnny's phone.

Johnny asks: "How much for the ice cream?"

The man replies: "Nothing, it's on the house."

After Johnny ate his delicious ice cream, he searched for his watch history. And then Johnny realized the flavor of the ice cream.

Q: What is the worst thing to hear your surgeon say?

A: Oops, I dropped my lollipop!

Roses are red, violets are blue, Your ass is clean because Randy won’t stop liking [it].

When the people that see you cry, that doesn't mean they miss you. That mean they scared of your onion breath! 🐑💨

Just letting you know if people cry when they see you, that doesn't mean they miss you. That means they're scared of your onion breath.

You're so skinny you use floss to wipe your butt.

What is the sweat between Dolly Parton's boobs?

Mountain Dew.

I was lip to lip yesterday, and now I can't get the cum out of my mouth.

Bleach solves so many problems:

Stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation of orphans.

Your hairline is so dusty that it got musty.

So I heard it was important to clean your sex toys, which is why priests invented baptism I guess.

You know you’re going bald when you use more toothpaste than shampoo.

Why do duckies wipe after they poop?

Their butt quack.

What did one butt say to the other?

Something brown is slithering down.

You know it's so hard to clean my sex toys. Thank you, Jesus, for creating baptism.

Amber Heard's Morning Routine

Wake Up. Eat Breakfast. Take a Shit. Get Out of Bed.

Lady: "Can I lick your balls?"

Me: "Ummmmm, ok?"

Lady: *grabs ball sack and licks my balls*

Me: "I'm gonna have to clean these now!"

Lady: "Let me do that."

Me: "No, thank you! I have to use these baseballs for practice!"

I'd mop the floor with your face, but you might just mess it up more.

You smell dirty toenails and pigeon sex.

Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

A: He wiped his ass.