Hygiene jokes
Sister: Why does shampoo have directions?
Me: 'Cause God made you.
Little Johnny’s father walks into the bathroom and catches him masturbating. He says, “Son, every time you do that, you kill an innocent baby.”
The next day, his father walks into the bathroom and catches him again. Johnny says, “Bow your head, Dad. Can’t you see we’re having a funeral?”
What's white, sticky, and better to spit out then to swallow?
Toothpaste.
What did one toilet say to the other?
You look pretty flushed.
How did Capetian Hook kill himself? He wiped his butt with the wrong hand.
What happened to the cheetah that took too many baths?
The cheetah became spotless!
What comes after 69?
Mouthwash.
Did you know you don't actually wash your hands?
They wash each other while you stand there looking at them like a creep.
What caused Captain Hook's death?
He accidentally used the wrong hand to wipe his ass.
I have to take out the trash, but I couldn't find you.
What do you call a suicide bomber under the water?
A bath bomb.
Your breath is so bad that when Santa came to your house for your present, he brought toothpaste.
You should know it's important to wash your sex toys. That's why priests invented baptism.
Y'all smell like ass!
Why are people surprised by Johnny Depp having $30,000 wine bills, domestic violence accusations, rampant substance abuse, poor hygiene, and the looks of a predator?
He grew up a Florida Man, after all.
I’m literally scratching my itchy balls right now.
You're so poor, you use the same toilet paper every time you take a poop!
How do you get a hippy pregnant?
Cum on her feet and let the flies do the rest.
If you drop soap on the floor, is the floor clean, or is the soap dirty?
Badminton: Your breath is so bad that you have to take a mint before you go on Fortnite.