Humor
PP almighty stabeth thy! Then my sister said, "Just put it in."
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
The snowballs.
What's the difference between necrophilia and a choking fetish? 15 seconds.
I met a kid with Down syndrome the other day. He told me he was into rock music. He told me his favorite song was "Down With The Syndrome." Kinda drooled while attempting to sing it.
Why can’t the employee tell dirty laundry jokes?
Because they always come out clean.
Sunday was a sad day, but yesterday was a sadder day.
Guy 1: "Tell me a bad pun."
Guy 2: "Alright. What's the difference between a tuna fish, a piano, and a tube of glue?"
Guy 1: "Ok, that last one was random as heck. What is the difference?"
Guy 2: "You can tuna a piano, but you can't piano a tuna."
Guy 1: "Ok, where does the glue come in?"
Guy 2: "Ah, I knew you'd get stuck on that."
it's not rape if we're both screaming
How do skeletons have sex?
They bone each other.
A guy walks into a bar. He sees a hot girl. He walks up to her and says, "You're getting laid tonight." She replies, "What are you, some sort of psychic?" He says, "No, I'm just stronger than you."
A woman comes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I think I have cancer." The doctor checks it out. "It’s all in your head," the doctor says. "Phew," said the woman. "A bunch of tumors, all in your head."
What's the best part of working at an abortion clinic?
Free dog food.
I saw a dwarf scaling down a prison wall. I thought to myself, "That's a little condescending."
Two old people sitting on a bench. One turns to the other and says, "My butt fell asleep." The other says, "Yep, I heard it snore a couple of times."
I would make a Paul Walker joke, but it would crash and burn.
Have you heard about the guy whose friends teased him because he pays for sex? He doesn't pay anymore.
A man is sitting on a bench at a playground where children are playing. A man named Chris comes up and asks, “Which one is yours?” The man said, “I don’t know, I’m still deciding.”
Son: Mom, what is dark humor?
Mom: Son, do you see that man trying to tie his shoe with no hands?
Son: Mother, you know I'm blind and can't see!!
Mom: Exactly!
what did the banana say to the banana?
"u look a-pealing"
What do you call an orphan who grows up and becomes a priest?
Father Les.