Humor
A proud new dad sits down with his own father.
His father says, "Son, you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.
The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.
His father says, "Hi, Honored, I'm Dad."
I'm so gay I could barely think straight.
What’s an abbreviation for school in America?
Shooting range.
Jokes just as dead as the victims.
What's the best part of working at an abortion clinic?
Free dog food.
Two fish walked into a wall. One said to the other, "Dam!"
What animal should wear a wig?
A bald eagle!
You want to hear a dirty joke? Jonny played in the mud. You want to hear a clean joke? Jonny took a bath with bubbles. You want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was the next door neighbor.
Welcome to ____ pizzeria and abortion clinic where your loss is our sauce.
What do you call 4 Mexicans stuck in quick sand?
Quatro Sinco.
How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends on how hard you throw them.
This is how my mom always threatens me: "I brought you into this world, I can bring you out of it too." That's why I only have 2 siblings left.
I wonder where the bodies are?
A guy starts chatting to a pretty woman at a party.
Seeing that she didn't back off, he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied. "That's a nice name," he said, warming up the conversation. "Who named you, your mother?"
"No, I named myself," she answered.
"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"
"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said, looking directly into his eyes. "So what's your name?" she asked.
‘BJ Titsngolf’
I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears, people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.
What type of people think rape jokes are funny?
Only the coolest people in the world! I fucking love you guys 😂
If you are American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?
Euro-peein'.
Have you heard about the guy whose friends teased him because he pays for sex? He doesn't pay anymore.
Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!
What's worse than Sally in a trash can? Sally in thirteen trash cans.
For sale: Dead canary.
Not going cheep.
What do you get when you mix up a group of emos?
Suicide squad.
Why doesn't China have a cricket team?
They always eat the bat.