Humor Jokes

My therapist said: "Time heals all wounds" I shot her now we wait

Santa and Bill Cosby's favorite quote " don't be dumb make sure they're numb and always use a condom!"

life would be so much easier if grass was emo

because it would cut itself

I went to my boss's funeral and knelt down to his coffin ⚰️ and whispered. "Whose late now ?"

Did anyone JET my joke. It probably flew over your heads, oops I meant trough.

Confucius say:

"Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day."

A proud new dad sits down with his own father.

His father says, "Son,you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.

The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.

His father says, "Hi, Honoured, I'm Dad."

Can February March? -- No, but April May.

What do u call a group of depressed kids

Suicide squad

So we were working with a new client at work and my boss farts, he said "a little gas never killed anyone

I told someone some jokes y'know fruit ninja, barcode legs, french puppet thigh wrings. And she was like saying thats not cool and stuff. So she reported me and it was like. The counselor: So i've heard you've been making sh jokes? Me: You say it like it's a bad thing Her: It is Me: chill bro it aint that deep. Don't worry I'll end it :)

Jack and jill went up a hill so Jack could eat her candy. But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of c*** because Jills real name is Randy

Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? -- Because they are really good at it.

Why did the family get mad at the boy for eating at the funeral?

While trying to season his food, he mistook his cremated grandfather for salt.

Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? - Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.

If you are ever bored punch an orphan what are they gunna do tell their parents?

Guy starts chatting to pretty woman at a party Seeing that she didn't back off he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied. That's a nice name," he said warming up the conversation,

"Who named you, your mother?"

"No, I named myself, she answered.

"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"

"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said looking directly into his eyes. "So what's your name?" she asked.

‘BJ Titsngolf’

Doctor : what makes you feel depressed? Me: I used to work at the word trade centre, before the plane hit. Doctor: a lot of people fell to pieces after that.