Humor

When we were visiting the Hoover Dam, I started to get a bit hungry. I asked my parents, "Where's the dam snack bar?"

What do you get when you mix up a group of emos?

Suicide squad.

What's the best part of working at an abortion clinic?

Free dog food.

I'm so gay I could barely think straight.

There was a person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation, and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she's away.

On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going, he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.

The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, "You can't tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn't get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day, you could have said that she died from complications."

The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, "Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can't get down..."

Back in Australia, my puns are high koala-tea!

What do you call an orphan who grows up and becomes a priest?

Father Les.

What did the doctor say to the Chinese patient? "Sum ting wong."

For all the people with Covid-19, I just want to say... Stay positive.

I don't always roll a joint, but when I do, it's my ankle.

Why doesn't China have a cricket team?

They always eat the bat.

What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?

A meltdown.

So I didn't want my mom going through my laptop, so I put a touch screen on it where you just have to tap the screen to unlock it. Jokes on her, she doesn't have any fingers.

Why do short people laugh when they run?

Because the grass tickles their balls.

My sister asked me what is dark humor. I asked what does a cannibal call a pregnant woman? "Kinder Surprise!"

How did the Shaggy defense become successful for JD Vance?

He was not banging on the sofa. Rather, he was banging the sofa!

Dad: "Son, does mommy like having lady-friends over?"

Son: "Nah, mostly men."

Dad: "Do you think you'd be comfortable telling that to a judge in court?"

Q: What's the difference between a Hispanic and a stoner?

A: Stoners have papers.

it's not rape if we're both screaming