Humor
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He lost internet connection.
I heard a joke about heavy metal earlier. It was pretty ironic.
When we were visiting the Hoover Dam, I started to get a bit hungry. I asked my parents, "Where's the dam snack bar?"
I almost had a joke about Parkinson's disease, but I was too shaken up to say it.
For boys, life is a lot like a penis: simple, soft, straight, relaxed, and hanging freely......... then a woman makes it really hard.😩😉😏
What did the pillow say as it fell off the bed?
Oh sheet!
A proud new dad sits down with his own father.
His father says, "Son, you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.
The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.
His father says, "Hi, Honored, I'm Dad."
I'm so gay I could barely think straight.
What’s an abbreviation for school in America?
Shooting range.
Jokes just as dead as the victims.
Two fish walked into a wall. One said to the other, "Dam!"
What animal should wear a wig?
A bald eagle!
Welcome to ____ pizzeria and abortion clinic where your loss is our sauce.
What do you call 4 Mexicans stuck in quick sand?
Quatro Sinco.
How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends on how hard you throw them.
This is how my mom always threatens me: "I brought you into this world, I can bring you out of it too." That's why I only have 2 siblings left.
I wonder where the bodies are?
You want to hear a dirty joke? Jonny played in the mud. You want to hear a clean joke? Jonny took a bath with bubbles. You want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was the next door neighbor.
A guy starts chatting to a pretty woman at a party.
Seeing that she didn't back off, he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied. "That's a nice name," he said, warming up the conversation. "Who named you, your mother?"
"No, I named myself," she answered.
"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"
"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said, looking directly into his eyes. "So what's your name?" she asked.
‘BJ Titsngolf’
I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears, people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.
What type of people think rape jokes are funny?
Only the coolest people in the world! I fucking love you guys 😂
If you are American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?
Euro-peein'.