Humor

What do you get when you mix up a group of emos?

Suicide squad.

What's the best part of working at an abortion clinic?

Free dog food.

I'm so gay I could barely think straight.

There was a person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation, and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she's away.

On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going, he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.

The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, "You can't tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn't get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day, you could have said that she died from complications."

The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, "Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can't get down..."

A green, small, round car sits on a paved surface with plants and a building in the background. Text above the car reads, "there's no time to explain. get in the pea."

Back in Australia, my puns are high koala-tea!

What do you call an orphan who grows up and becomes a priest?

Father Les.

I heard a joke about heavy metal earlier. It was pretty ironic.

What did the doctor say to the Chinese patient? "Sum ting wong."

For all the people with Covid-19, I just want to say... Stay positive.

I don't always roll a joint, but when I do, it's my ankle.

Why doesn't China have a cricket team?

They always eat the bat.

What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?

A meltdown.

So I didn't want my mom going through my laptop, so I put a touch screen on it where you just have to tap the screen to unlock it. Jokes on her, she doesn't have any fingers.