Humor

Dark humor jokes about orphans are funny because no parents are gonna be told.

"White people can't jump"...

"You must not have seen the twin towers on 9/11."

I told my girlfriend that the world is flat.

She said, "but the world is round."

I said, babe, you are my world.

Little Johnny and his dad were going to buy a horse.

Dad: Rubbing on the horse’s chest and butt.

Little Johnny: What are you doing?

Dad: Checking to see if the horse is healthy so I can buy it.

Little Johnny: Oh well, I think the mall man wants to buy mom.

I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. But he's still making fun of me.

Today, a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "What are you going to do now?" God said, "I think I'm going to call it a day."

What does a cannibal call a pregnant person?

A Kinder Surprise.

When you send her a dick pic, but then she sends you one right back...

Your hairline is so far back I learned about it in history class.

Me: If a skinny person goes skinny dipping, then what do fat people do?

My friend: Chunky dunks.

I know you don’t like rape jokes, but I’m gonna force one on you anyway.

My friend: "Ess, stop with the self-harm jokes it's not funny."

Me: "C'mon it's not that deep."

What do you call an emo a cappella group?

Self harmony.

I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.

I think my coworkers are gay. -- Every time I walk by, they mumble, "What an ass."

What did the rapist say to his victim?

"Go ahead, call the police. We will see who comes first."

What do you say to your sister when she's crying? -- "Are you having a crisis?"

All these jokes are plane wrong. My uncle died in 9/11. At least he died doing what he loved, flying planes.

How do you get an emo out of a tree? Cut the rope.