Humor
So we were working with a new client at work, and my boss farts. He said, "A little gas never killed anyone."
What's the best part of working at an abortion clinic? Free dog food.
Two wrongs don't make a right. Take your parents as an example.
What's the difference between a baby and a salad?
Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.
It must not be a good suicide story if you can tell it.
A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says, "Okay, I'd like you to point to wherever it hurts." So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says, "Here. Ow." She then pokes her arm and says, "Here. Ow." She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop.
The doctor says, "I know what's happened to you." "What's happened to me?" The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, "You have a broken finger."
At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.
Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”
What's a lesbian's favorite type of food?
Finger-food.
Two men were talking about their wives. The first man says, "My wife is an angel." The second man says, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
This isn't a joke, but I'm a survivor and use humor to cope. I find these extremely funny, so please leave the people writing these alone 😭
What type of flour do you buy an orphan? Self-raising.
My life.
Tell me when you get it.
What's the best part of dating a homeless girl? You can drop her off anywhere.
What's the difference between a school bus and my Dad's van?
School buses usually don't have screaming and crying children.
What do you call a Russian tree?
Dimitree.
What’s ten feet long and bald?
The conga line in the cancer ward.
What is Hitler's least favorite month? Jewly.
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
My friend has a dry sense of humor.
Probably because her body was decomposed ages ago.
A kid walks in late to class. The teacher asks him, "Why are you late?" and he replies, "I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake." Another kid walks in late to class, and the teacher asks him, "Why are you late?" and he replies, "I was busy throwing pebbles in the lake." The last kid walks in and the teacher says, "Why are you late?...and why are you wet?" and the kid says back, "Remember, my name is Pebbles!!"