Humor
Why don't paralyzed people laugh?
They hate stand-up comedy.
Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered, "Y?"
I would tell a 9/11 joke, but it would probably go up in flames.
My girlfriend who is a Jehovah's Witness had sex with me so hard, she turned to Christianity.
What did the farmer say when he saw his chicken cross the road?
"No, my cock!"
What'd the farmer say when a coyote killed and ate his rooster?
"No, you ate my cock!"
About a month ago, I was at my best friend’s funeral and I told him, "Bitches always come and go." He looked at me kinda mad, kinda confused, and said, "That’s my mom, dude."
What do two priests say to each other when they walk into an orphanage?
"Let us pray."
Ever heard of ligma? Ligma ba--
I lit my girlfriend on fire. I guess you could say I ignited her fire.
Why did Peter bring toilet roll to the party? Because he was a party pooper!
Ur mom loves to eat logs, lmao.
Touch your toes and hold them. Then spell "run." It will say, "r.u.n."
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun? Special forces.
Why did the skeleton not go to the party? Because he had no body to go with.
Why were the mushrooms the cool guy at the party? Because he was a fungi.
A dolphin swims into a bar and looks at the menu. He calls the bartender and orders a pint of ginger-whale.
What's the difference between a piano, a pot of glue, and a tuna fish?
You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna.
What about the glue?
I knew you'd get stuck there.
A Down syndrome child is drowning, he calls for help with all of his voice: "Somebody help me!! I'm Downing!"
BA DUM TSS
"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"
Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.