Humor
What was Stephen Hawking's mother's name?
Ilean.
Why do orphans hate knock knock jokes?
Because there is never anyone at the door.
What's the difference between your jokes and your penis? Nobody laughs at your jokes.
A doctor is at a bar one night and notices a young lady at the counter. He approaches her and says, "Hello there miss, pardon my intrusion, but I was curious to know, if someone were to pay you a million dollars to sleep with them, would you?"
The young lady smiles and says, "That's a lot of money, of course, I would."
The doctor smiles and says, "That's interesting, but what if someone were to pay you 5 dollars to sleep with them, would you?"
The young lady says, "What, are you joking? That's no money at all. Of course, I wouldn't. What do you think I am?"
The Doctor smiles again and says, "We already established what you are, now we're trying to establish a price."
How does a kid with no arms or legs like a video on YouTube when they say smash the like button?
They literally smash the like button "uuuuuugghghhhgBANG!"
I guess you can say he xxxpired.
Kid: Wanna hear a joke?
Me: Sure.
Kid: Why diddncjcjcbfjcbcjdbbskzmzj b b j no?
Me:?
What is the funniest joke of all time?
Your face.
Want to hear a pizza joke?
Never mind, it’s too cheesy.
My friend in a wheelchair tells a funny joke.
I resist the urge to say that he should become a stand-up comedian.
Bring out your weapons, people.
It's bullying time.
What's the worst thing to say at a funeral? "Hi guys, welcome to my unboxing video!"
Do you like my a-corn-y jokes?
Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."
Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night."
Kid 1: "As if."
Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."
Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."
Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."
My ex died in an anchorage accident.
She always was a sleeping hooker.
Me: "Cya"
Mom: "Where ya going?"
Me: "The orphanage to make yo mama jokes."
Mum: ...
What do trans women bring to lesbian relationships?
Something big and warm 🍆.
Me: Dad, my phone is broken.
Dad: How?
Me: I clicked the home button, but I'm still at school.
Dad: Stupid.
This joke is unavailable due to the National Period of Mourning. Please return to this page on the 19th of September.
R.I.P. Queen Elizabeth II. 1926-2022.
How is a child molester and Harambe the same? They both get shot for touching little kids.