Humor

Student: It's hot in here.

Teacher: That's because I'm in here.

So I walk into a bar, and there’s people waiting in line to punch me in the face.

That’s the punch line.

What's black, white, and red all over? A penguin in a blender.

What's all fuzzy, warm, and laughing? The person who snapped its neck and put it into the blender.

I weeee is?

Technically speaking, "ur mom/ur father" jokes have no effect on orphans.

So, Johnny was working at a deli. A woman walks up and asks, "Do you have any salad?" Johnny says, "No." She asks, "What about carrots?" Again, Johnny says, "No." She says, "What about bananas?" Johnny says, "Tell ya what, spell out 'lad' in salad." She spells, "L A D." Johnny replies, "Spell 'rot' in carrot." She spells, "R O T." Johnny says, "Now spell 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." She says, "There is no 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." Johnny exclaims, "That's what I've been trying to tell you!"

I think I'm a red zebra!! Cuz I'm stripped red, iykwim.

what do you call an American looking at cloud shapes?

Oppenheimer

I saw a midget prisoner climbing down a ladder the other day and I thought, huh, that's a little con-descending.

Want to hear a joke about construction?

Sorry, I'm still working on it.

What were Stephen Hawking's last words? "System failure."

What's the definition of rude?

Sticking a blind man in a corner and telling him to find his wife.

what did the banana say to the banana?

"u look a-pealing"

The last joke about the dad was a joke. Don't take it seriously. Can't believe that people actually think that was true.

What’s the difference between a pimple and a Priest?

You see, a pimple wouldn’t normally come on a kid until he’s 13 years old.

Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?

Because they have no body to go with.

What is a pedophile's favorite job?

The mall santa.

These 9/11 jokes just don’t land.

They laughed at my crayon drawing.

So I laughed at their chalk outline.

A blind man once told me he smokes a lot because he has nothing to look forward to. Well, let's just say that I see his point.