Humor

Why did the M&M go to school? He wanted to be a Smartie.

Some kid in a wheelchair called me fat.

I told her, "Do a wheelie!"

Sis is meme.

What did one nut say to the other?

“Cashew later.”

Me explaining to the school nurse that ice can't cure everything.

Nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl!

Dad: Boy, come sit in this hole while I brace the ground.

Boy: I don't want to see Grandpa, he scares me!

Quoting the great Jimmy Carr: "When I cook, I make sure there are vegetarian options. They can make do, or they can fuck off."

What's the difference between an egg and a good wank?

You can beat an egg.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Ididap!

Ididapoo!!

Uremn es abarancin yngnumma gety asuma qshi tun?

Amelia is hotter than my mum 696969696.

Dad joke.

Why does a dad get more than a pair of socks at the golf course?

Because of a hole in one!

My dad died in 9/11... He was the best pilot I know.

Ur mom. (Idk, I'm bored.)

I hate long plants. They make me Ivysaur. Hahahahahahaha Pokemon!

What’s black and long?

The Chick-fil-A line.

I'd make a joke about epilepsy, but the computer started flashing.

My jokes are pretty "bone-arifick," if I say so myself. Hehhehe... Get it?

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

Because he was part of the Lazy Bones team!

What’s the hardest part about being friends with a turtle?

Getting them to come out of their shell.