What's the difference between an egg and a good wank?
You can beat an egg.
Humor
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ididap!
Ididapoo!!
Uremn es abarancin yngnumma gety asuma qshi tun?
Amelia is hotter than my mum 696969696.
Dad joke.
Why does a dad get more than a pair of socks at the golf course?
Because of a hole in one!
My dad died in 9/11... He was the best pilot I know.
Ur mom. (Idk, I'm bored.)
I hate long plants. They make me Ivysaur. Hahahahahahaha Pokemon!
What’s black and long?
The Chick-fil-A line.
I'd make a joke about epilepsy, but the computer started flashing.
My jokes are pretty "bone-arifick," if I say so myself. Hehhehe... Get it?
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he was part of the Lazy Bones team!
What’s the hardest part about being friends with a turtle?
Getting them to come out of their shell.
Why does new pavement smell like butt?
In other words you can also call it asphalt.
Ass-phalt.
Someone complimented me on my driving last week. They left a note saying, "Parking Fine!"
Who wants to laugh about life with me?
1, 2, 3, 4, 5. I'm old enough to drive, for now I'm still alive, till I crash in that beehive!
What do you call a nervous zucchini?
An edgy veggie.
A few days ago, I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet, and he sent me a large goat with a long neck. Turns out I phoned Dial-a-Llama.
I find it difficult to count to ten in French: un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept.
I can't say the next one because I have a "huit" allergy.
