Humor
Me: What's the difference between me and my grandpa?
Friends: What?
Me: I've been alive for the past 14 years.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Bikini.
Bikini who?
Oh, that was just a bikini.
Son: Dad, what's a morbid joke?
Father: Walk over to a homeless man and throw a rock at him, then you will know.
Son: But Dad, I don't have arms or legs.
Father: Now you know.
Toaster + Bath = The ultimate bath bomb!
Where do ducks poop out of?
From their buttquack.
Me: Why am I an orphan?
Friend: I don't know.
Me: Ask your mom.
Kid to daddy: "Why do they call it Uranus?"
Daddy to kid: "Cause, son, it's Uranus."
I tried to catch fog today. I mist.
Why did the Mexican take Xanax?
For Hispanic attacks.
What is one plus one?
It's TOO hard!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he wanted to get to the other side. LOL.
What do you call a guy who has sex on the Moon?
An “Astronut”!
What do cats have for breakfast?
Mice crispies.
Me at the Anti-Orphan Jokes convention. 💣🗡🔪🧨🔫
Why did the boy put a chicken 🐔 in his garden?
He wanted to grow an eggplant. 😂
What do you call a person who wants to be punched a lot?
A clout chaser.
Search up "clout meaning" if you don't get it.
What’s the difference between an epileptic corn shucker and a prostitute with diarrhea?
The epileptic corn shucker “shucks between fits”...
I don’t like to tell school shooter jokes because they are usually aimed at a younger audience.
You really can't call Stalin bad. Just think about the people that wanted to die.
Why did the orphan call her boyfriend "daddy"?
Because she wanted that D.