Humor
What Did Iran Say To Oman?
"Oh man, I ran out of ideas!"
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite song??
Rollin' and Controllin'.
Why are orphans so famous for their jokes?
Because everyone says go big or go home!
Jamal: Dads CAN grow on trees, Joseph.
Joseph: No, they don't.
Jamal: Yes, they do. I've seen it.
Joseph: ... that's not what you thought it was.
What is the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a lightbulb.
I am dark humor.
Question: What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
Answer: Dam.
Why am I so fat? When I was younger my mother said I should be the bigger person.
What did the cucumber say to the bell pepper that wasn't wearing enough clothes?
You need more dressing.
Denki: Hey Mineta, I have a joke.
Mineta: ...go on...
Denki: Ochako's booty.
Mineta: I don't get it?
Denki: Exactly.
Mineta: *cries T_T*
Mom told me drugs are my enemies.
Jesus said to like your enemies.
Yay, I can like drugs then!
I told my deaf mom to be nice to the neighbors. She didn't listen...
What did momma seal name her twin girls?
Luceal and Sealia.
What did the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?
"Beat it. We're closed."
What do slinkies and the handicapped have in common?
They are the most fun when pushed down a flight of stairs.
It was pornography class, and there was a break.
Two adults were "having a good time" till the teacher says...
Teacher: Hey! SAY ALL THE NUMBERS TO 10,000 NOW!
Adult 1: How about I say my ABC's?
Teacher: Go ahead, I guess...
Adult 1: A B C E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Teacher: Where's the D?
Adult 2: Inside me...
*WARNING* THIS WILL NEVER GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD - READ IF YOU DARE.....
What came first? The chicken or the egg?
Which came first? The color orange or the fruit?
Who taught the first ever teacher?
If you expect the unexpected, doesn't that make the unexpected expected?
If you describe something as 'indescribable', then haven't you already described it?
In the word 'scent', is the silent letter the 's' or the 'ce'?
Why do your lips touch when they say the word 'separate', but don't touch when you say the word 'together'?
How many photos do you think you could be in the background of?
The guy who discovered cow milk, what was he doing with that cow?
Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, "Oh no, it's a cop"?
Is it possible to cry underwater?
If two left handers have an argument, who is right?
I warned you!! You just didn't listen.... :O
Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
Man: "Your hair color is fabulous." Woman: "Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store."
Man: "You look like a dream." Woman: "Go back to sleep."
Man: "I can tell that you want me." Woman: "Yes, I want you to leave."
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not enter. -OR- Stop."
Man: "Your body is like a temple." Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?" Woman: "I hate you."
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
A blondie and a redneck jumped off a building. Which one will land first?
The redneck because the blonde will ask for directions.
C'mon guys, 9/11 jokes are just plane wrong.