A rich girl is flying on his helicopter when suddenly it crashes, killing everyone. What was the last thing that went through her head?
The helicopter blade!
Humor
Why do women have small feet?
So they can stand closer to the sink.
Do you know pigeons die when they have sex?
I mean, the one I fucked died.
I was speaking at my grandpa's funeral and I told everybody his last words: "You still holding the ladder?"
What's the difference between a baby and a brick?
A brick doesn't cry when you throw it on a wall.
Dad: I'm dying.
Son: Hi dying, I'm [name].
Dad: Really, now is not the time.
Son: I'm sorry.
Dad: Hi sorry, I'm Dad. (dies)
Want to hear a joke?
Your face.
What is a necrophiliac's favorite candy? A Hearsey's Kiss.
What did Julius say when he saw a woman stealing an expensive chandelier?
“Guards! Seize her (Caesar)!”
To master puns, you got to relish them first. That's how I must(ar)d it. Who knows, maybe you will ketchup to my level.
I guess age is just a number, but in your boyfriend's case, a personal preference.
Two cows were hiding.
One said: "Moooo."
The other one said: "Shut up! We're hiding!"
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A nectarine.
Smack an orphan, what’s he gonna do... tell his parents?
Is depression sadness or happiness? I call it a fun time.
Wanna hear a dry joke? A desert.
H: *walks into bedroom* Why are you packing your bags?
W: I heard in New York women get paid $400 for what I do for you for free.
*Later that day*
W: *walks into the bedroom to see husband packing his bags* What are you doing?
H: I’m going with you. I want to see how you live off of $800 a year.
Why do most orphans become prostitutes?
“Because they always wanted a daddy.”
My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday. I asked her why. She said, "Because you're a pedophile." I replied, "Pedophile! That's a big word for an eight year old."
Your momma's so dumb, she tried to climb Mountain Dew.
