Humor
Why was the Koala Bear so clever?
Because he had good koalifications!
Stephen Hawking walked in a bar...
Just kidding.
What was the last thing that went through Aiden's head before he died?
His elbow.
What's the difference between a dog and a rapist?
At least the rapist adds a bit of foreplay before he starts humping people.
What’s the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?
Snow balls.
Memes
Knock, knock. Who's there? You're adopted.
A rich girl is flying on his helicopter when suddenly it crashes, killing everyone. What was the last thing that went through her head?
The helicopter blade!
Why do women have small feet?
So they can stand closer to the sink.
Do you know pigeons die when they have sex?
I mean, the one I fucked died.
I was speaking at my grandpa's funeral and I told everybody his last words: "You still holding the ladder?"
What's the difference between a baby and a brick?
A brick doesn't cry when you throw it on a wall.
Dad: I'm dying.
Son: Hi dying, I'm [name].
Dad: Really, now is not the time.
Son: I'm sorry.
Dad: Hi sorry, I'm Dad. (dies)
Want to hear a joke?
Your face.
What is a necrophiliac's favorite candy? A Hearsey's Kiss.
What did Julius say when he saw a woman stealing an expensive chandelier?
“Guards! Seize her (Caesar)!”
To master puns, you got to relish them first. That's how I must(ar)d it. Who knows, maybe you will ketchup to my level.
I guess age is just a number, but in your boyfriend's case, a personal preference.
Two cows were hiding.
One said: "Moooo."
The other one said: "Shut up! We're hiding!"
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A nectarine.
Smack an orphan, what’s he gonna do... tell his parents?