Humor
Your mom's so fat, when she stands on the scale, it says, "To be continued..."
What is one plus one?
It's TOO hard!
What happened when the American broke his arm?
He went broke.
Why is Jenna Marbles so funny? She lost all her marbles.
A white dad, a priest, and a rabbi all run out a burning school, and the dad says, “What about the kids?” and the rabbi replies to him saying, “Fuck the kids,” and the priest says, “Think we got enough time?”
Why did the guy's birthday party stink?
Because he was turning farty!
Why shouldn't you tell a secret in a corn field?
Because they are full of ears!
Now that was a corny joke.
And yes, it was rather a-maize-ing.
Tell someone that you're gonna say “I 1 poopoo” and it will go in order of numbers, so they say, “I 2 poopoo” & so on:
You) I 1 poopoo
(Them) I 2 poopoo
(You) I 3 poopoo
(Them) I 4 poopoo
(You) I 5 poopoo
(Them) I 6 poopoo
(You) I 7 poopoo
(Them) I 8 poopoo
And be like, “You ate poopoo??! EWW!!”
Jesus Christ does exist, he does, and he is the son of God... a God that doesn't exist XD
A husband and wife get into a fight. The wife says, "Go blow off some steam. I’ll let you fuck a hooker." So he does that, comes back, and says, "I’m off the hook now!"
Grandma: Most people your age have a family and are married. Why aren’t you?
Grandchild: Most your age are dead. Why aren’t you?
How did Capetian Hook kill himself? He wiped his butt with the wrong hand.
What do you say to a ugly girl who claims to have been raped?
“Are you sure you didn’t rape him?”
Chuck Norris once stepped on a Lego.
The Lego broke in half.
There was a family, the father's name was Mad, the mother is Brain, the brother's name is Nobody and the sister's name is Everybody.
One day, Nobody killed Everybody, and the father ran to the police's office and screamed, "NOBODY KILLED EVERYBODY!!!!!"
"Sir, are you okay?" The police asked.
"I said, NOBODY KILLED EVERYBODYYYYY!!!!!" The father yelled even louder.
"Are you mad?" The police asked.
"Yes, because my name is Mad!" The father exclaimed.
"Where's your brain?" Asked the police.
"At home because my wife name is Brain," the father said. The police fell down due to the confusion.
What is the difference between anal sex and a microwave? A microwave doesn't brown your meat.
What is the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?
I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face for my birthday.
What do you call a person who died in war?
Little Johnny.
I know it sounds cheesy, but I feel grate!
A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.
Apparently, "in HD" wasn't a good answer.