My sister said to roast her, but my mom said I'm not allowed to burn trash.
Humor
What's the hardest thing when working with the severely mentally handicapped?
My dick.
How do you tell whether you’ve satisfied a redhead?
She unlocks the handcuffs.
A Biologist, a Chemist, and a Statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses five feet to the left.
The chemist shoots at the same deer and misses five feet to the right.
The statistician shouts, "We got him!"
My 19-year-old girl killed a butterfly. I said no butter for you.
She then she killed a cockroach. I told her nice try.
I taped a picture of Bill Cosby to my gun. Now it’s an assault rifle.
Me: Do you eat your cereal with water? You: No, why? Me: 'Cause your dad never came back with the milk!
What record did Obama prove during his presidency?
No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he'll still be in government housing.
I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.
What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user?
Fast food.
What did the cow say to the leather chair?
“Hi Mom!”
What do alcoholics and amputees have in common?
They are both legless.
Why should you never make height jokes about dwarfs?
It goes right over their head.
What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer?
A freezer doesn't scream when you put meat inside it.
What do you call a dear with no eyes?
I have no eye deer!
What’s better than Stephen Hawking?
Stephen walking.
What’s the difference between my ex and a unicycle?
A unicycle can only take one person at a time.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he got hit by a car.
Why are most vacuums gay?
They’re always coming out of the closet.
I went to a birthday party and told dad jokes.
The jokes didn't go over well. I was asked to leave the orphanage.
