Humor

Your hairline goes so far back that even God said, "I learned about it in my days."

My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!

Tell an old person to pretend [they are] shaking salt in their mouth... you'll see!

Why can't orphans really play baseball?

Because when they do, all the other kids tell that joke that everyone has heard more than 50 times.

What is the difference between a dead body and a Lamborghini?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW exhaust, but his engine failed.

This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.

I threw a lamp at a depressed kid. I was just trying to brighten up his day.

The emo tried to high five the tree, but the tree just left him hanging.

🗣: "Stop making suicide jokes!"

"Don't worry bro, I'll end it soon."

I have a better method of abortion than currently used. It's like a regular one, except you can get free food out of it... We're about to give baby-back ribs a whole new meaning.

Yo mama so fat, survivors of the Titanic said a fat girl on the bow was so heavy, the ship started to sink, but when she reached the stern, the ship split.

Q: What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?

A: A piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes.

What's the difference between an emo and a banana?

They both hang like apples.

What did the pedestrian say after he saw the twin towers fell?

JENGA!!!!

Why is September 11th the best birthday?

Everyone remembers it! :)

What is the point of buttchins?

To catch flies.

What comedy skill can’t any cripple master?

Stand up.

I threw a lamp at a depressed kid and tried to brighten up his day.

Your Mama so fat, when she fell on the sidewalk, nobody laughed but the sidewalk cracked up.

None of these are jokes... they're all facts!