Humor

My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children.

If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Why were the 1800s so crazy?

Because of Hairriet Tubman.

I only made so it's the 69th in the hair category.

I love telling dad jokes. He always laughs.

What's the difference between a cactus and a school bus?

On a bus all the little pricks are on the inside.

You're so brilliant and bright that the Sun wears sunglasses when you're near!

The worst comedians take 9 months to make a joke. Then they spend the rest of their lives trying to forget it.

Has Covid-19 forced you to wear glasses and a mask at the same time?

You may be entitled to condensation.

I went to a birthday party and told dad jokes.

The jokes didn't go over well. I was asked to leave the orphanage.

I tell dad jokes all the time even though I’m not actually a dad.

I’m a faux pa.

What do you call a shoe made by George Floyd?

The Breath Takers.

Bin Laden’s kid comes sad from school.

“Dad, I got an F in Geography class!”

“Why is that?”

“The teacher asked me what’s the tallest building in New York and I said ‘Empire State Building.’”

Bin Laden waits a moment and then replies, “Let dad handle this one.”

What is the speed limit for sex? 68, because if you go any faster, you’ll have to turn around.

Go to soyjak.party for the funniest memes and soyjaks.

I had a great day today because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table, and the teacher screamed, "Allison, how would you like it if I banged you on the table?"

Your hairline was sponsored as a Snap Chat Filter.

Husband: “Honey, what’s the difference between a Ferrari and an erection?”

Wife: “ok... what is it?”

Husband: “I don’t have a Ferrari right now.”

What’s the difference between a baby and a sandwich?

You don’t have sex with a sandwich before you eat it.

What makes 9/11 an inside job?

Someone started calling it 10/7.

These jokes are so dark that they picked the cotton!

I have a joke about paper. It's tearable.