Humor

Q: What do you call a Chinese billionaire?

A: Cha-Ching!

I had a great day today because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table, and the teacher screamed, "Allison, how would you like it if I banged you on the table?"

Grandma: Most people your age have a family and are married. Why aren’t you?

Grandchild: Most your age are dead. Why aren’t you?

I asked my friend what the best gay joke is, and she said "You."

Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to eat Eminem.

Your hairline was sponsored as a Snap Chat Filter.

POV: I made a blind joke.

"That isn't funny. What if Helen Keller saw that?"

If a bike is also called a bicycle, then what is a test also called?

A tEsTiClE!

What's a benefit of being an orphan?

No one makes yo mama jokes to you.

I have a joke about paper. It's tearable.

I love telling dad jokes. He always laughs.

I went to a birthday party and told dad jokes.

The jokes didn't go over well. I was asked to leave the orphanage.

What’s better than Stephen Hawking?

Stephen walking.

Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?

He gets to tear that ass up one more time.

Me: Do you eat your cereal with water? You: No, why? Me: 'Cause your dad never came back with the milk!

One time a blind person grabbed my arm thinking it was something else.

"Oh wow, this is such an interesting book!"

My 19-year-old girl killed a butterfly. I said no butter for you.

She then she killed a cockroach. I told her nice try.

How do you trick a homophobic heterosexual male that is a Roman Catholic priest into using the glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar?

Tell him that it is a confessional booth.

What record did Obama prove during his presidency?

No matter how far a brotha gets in life, he'll still be in government housing.

A Biologist, a Chemist, and a Statistician are out hunting.

The biologist shoots at a deer and misses five feet to the left.

The chemist shoots at the same deer and misses five feet to the right.

The statistician shouts, "We got him!"