Humor

What's the biggest problem with gravity?

It keeps putting people down.

Hey guys, how was your day?

If you ask me the same question, here's the answer: depressing.

I still haven't made any friends on this app. All I do is read and comment on old jokes or opinions.

"My dick fell off in the shower!" suddenly a bright flash of white lights. You see God smiling at you. "Joseph, where is your wiener, little one?" He says, chuckling lightly.

What’s the name of the band in the gay bar?

A: Beers for Queers.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

I have a better method of abortion than currently used. It's like a regular one, except you can get free food out of it... We're about to give baby-back ribs a whole new meaning.

A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW exhaust, but his engine failed.

This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.

What is the difference between a dead body and a Lamborghini?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

What are two plus sides to being an orphan?

1. All your snacks are family sized.

2. No one can make jokes about your mama.

I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.

What do you call a toy that has a story?

Toy Story.

🗣: "Stop making suicide jokes!"

"Don't worry bro, I'll end it soon."

There was one kid that came home from school and asked his mom what dark humor was.

She said, "Well son, do you see that guy over there across the road? Go give him a high-five."

Son said, "But I can't see."

Mom said, "That's the point."

Your hairline goes so far back that even God said, "I learned about it in my days."

My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!

Most people call it grave robbing...

I prefer to call it cryptocurrency.

I thought God didn't make mistakes, but then I saw your face.

My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."

Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."

Son: Dad, what's dark humor?

Dad: Do you see the guy over there with no arms?

Son: No, I'm blind.

I threw a lamp at a depressed kid. I was just trying to brighten up his day.