Humor
Yo man, stand up.
*short person stands*
No, seriously man, stand up!
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Dishes."
"Dishes who?"
"Dishes a bad joke."
My sister is so annoying. She won $10,000 to go to hell.
If you take a cap off a bottle, is it decapitation?
Grandma: Most people your age have a family and are married. Why aren’t you?
Grandchild: Most your age are dead. Why aren’t you?
Memes
Bin Laden’s kid comes sad from school.
“Dad, I got an F in Geography class!”
“Why is that?”
“The teacher asked me what’s the tallest building in New York and I said ‘Empire State Building.’”
Bin Laden waits a moment and then replies, “Let dad handle this one.”
What do you call a religious drug addict?
A crystal methodist.
The worst comedians take 9 months to make a joke. Then they spend the rest of their lives trying to forget it.
Has Covid-19 forced you to wear glasses and a mask at the same time?
You may be entitled to condensation.
Call me a worn-out sweater because I’m hanging on by a thread.
That’s about to become a rope around my neck.
I went to a birthday party and told dad jokes.
The jokes didn't go over well. I was asked to leave the orphanage.
I tell dad jokes all the time even though I’m not actually a dad.
I’m a faux pa.
Your hairline was sponsored as a Snap Chat Filter.
I had a great day today because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table, and the teacher screamed, "Allison, how would you like it if I banged you on the table?"
What’s the difference between a baby and a sandwich?
You don’t have sex with a sandwich before you eat it.
I asked my friend what the best gay joke is, and she said "You."
Husband: “Honey, what’s the difference between a Ferrari and an erection?”
Wife: “ok... what is it?”
Husband: “I don’t have a Ferrari right now.”
Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to eat Eminem.
Q: What do you call a Chinese billionaire?
A: Cha-Ching!
When you find out your wife had a miscarriage,
So you start singing "It’s the best day ever!"