Humor
Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?
He gets to tear that ass up one more time.
My dad told me a joke one time. When I realized the joke, the second tower was hit.
I taped a picture of Bill Cosby to my gun. Now it’s an assault rifle.
How do you trick a homophobic heterosexual male that is a Roman Catholic priest into using the glory hole inside the men's restroom at a gay bar?
Tell him that it is a confessional booth.
What do alcoholics and amputees have in common?
They are both legless.
no fucking goddamn way
Why do dwarfs do drugs?
To get high.
Why should you never make height jokes about dwarfs?
It goes right over their head.
What do you call a dear with no eyes?
I have no eye deer!
One time a blind person grabbed my arm thinking it was something else.
"Oh wow, this is such an interesting book!"
My 19-year-old girl killed a butterfly. I said no butter for you.
She then she killed a cockroach. I told her nice try.
What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer?
A freezer doesn't scream when you put meat inside it.
What did the cow say to the leather chair?
“Hi Mom!”
My sister said to roast her, but my mom said I'm not allowed to burn trash.
What’s the difference between my ex and a unicycle?
A unicycle can only take one person at a time.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he got hit by a car.
Why are most vacuums gay?
They’re always coming out of the closet.
What do you call a nun on a wheelchair?
Virgin Mobile.
What's the hardest thing when working with the severely mentally handicapped?
My dick.
A conman, a mentally handicapped person, and a Russian spy walk into a bar.
And the bartender asks, "What will it be, Mr. President?"
How do you tell whether you’ve satisfied a redhead?
She unlocks the handcuffs.