Humor
For some reason, people make fun of my name because it rhymes with something that starts with an F.
I was in class doing sex education. We were learning about sexual stereotypes.
My teacher turns to the class and asks, "If anyone could tell him what a sexual stereotype was?"
So I raised my hand and said, "Asians have small penis." He looked at me and said, "Very good, but I was looking for a definition."
Q: Why didn't Jeffery Dahmer eat comedians?
A: He thought they tasted funny.
Me explaining to the school nurse that ice can't cure everything.
Nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl!
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Because there was a dad on the other side.
People who make puns always get pun-ched by people.
What makes 9/11 an inside job?
Someone started calling it 10/7.
Q. What's an aborted baby's favourite type of humor? A. ...
I threw a lamp at an emo kid and told him to lighten the f*ck up.
What does a news anchor cow say for the weekly broadcast?
"Here's the beef of the week!"
Every joke I make about 9/11 just has a tendency to crash and burn.
So last week I gave my blind friend a cheese grater. The next two weeks he told me that was the most violent book he has ever read.
My friend said they were going to make a comeback. I told them to do it at the back of the throat.
Spend all night in a dark humor webpage.
Go to an orphanage today and read it to them.
And I'm sure if you go to a school for disabled children, they should understand it.
Why was the fart on Kickstarter? He just needed some gas.
A guy walks into a bar with a .44 magnum and yells: "Who the fuck fucked my wife?"
Everybody is silent for a second, then the bartender said: "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets!"
Yo mama so ugly,
my screen cracked when she took her photo!
*insert a joke here*
One day, there were three people: a mom and two kids. One of the kids walks up and asks her mom why she was named Rose. Her mom told her that she ate a rose petal when she was born; that is why she was named Rose.
Then the second child walked up and yelled, "Ahhhhhh!" and the mom said, "Shut up, Billy Goat!"
Why are dead baby jokes always funny?
They never get old.