Humor

Hey, can you tell that a blonde likes you? She only gives you two nights in a row.

Roses are red, violets are blue, like my hole, Uncle Bill is making me full, better run here he comes!

Dang... if I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put D IN U ;)

I only know there are 25 letters in the alphabet, I don't know Y.

(Me: How many letters are in the alphabet?) -- (Friend: 11- T-H-E-- A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T)

(Me: There are 20 letters in the alphabet, right?) -- (Crush: No, there is actually 26.) -- (Me: oooOoh, I forgot u r a qt! So its acdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz?) -- (Crush: You forgot the D) -- (Me: That's not needed yet ;])

What letter is really hot? T

C = cOCK O = CoCK C = COcK K = COCk COCK = cock cock = COCK

ME SExUAL SRrY LoL

Why can’t October fool April?

Because only April fools.

I could never fall out of a boat because I've already fallen for you.

What does the woman say to the cannibal at the fashion show?

"Who are you wearing?"

Eggs

You crack me up!

If the teacher tells you to stand up if you're not gay and there's that one kid in the wheelchair.

An action hero stops a man running by throwing a tire at him.

What is his one liner? "I told you to stop running or you will get tired."

What’s the difference between a bleeding child and a bleeding chimpanzee?

They're both crazy and now dead.

If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

Every time I go to the store I look in the deodorant section and my dyslexia acts up. Instead of "antiperspirant," I read "antidepressant." At least I get a bunch of extra snacks out of my shopping mistakes.

Wanna hear a pizza joke?

Never mind, it's too cheesy.

Q. What do filicide jokes and filicide victims have in common?

A. They never get old.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Joem.

Joem who?

Joem Ama.

What did the orange say to the other orange?

I orange you glad!

Hey man, I was gonna tell a joke about 9/11, but it was just plane.

What do you call a bee that produces milk? Booby.

"Confucius say, man who has mosquito on balls truly understands nonviolence."

I'm about to tell a dwarf joke, see how short that was.