Humor
What's the difference between eggs and you? Eggs get laid, you don't.
What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? -- People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooo.
What do you call a nose without a body? -- Nobody knows.
I would roast you, but you don't have any meat!
Why did the Catholic priest suck dick at a glory hole?
Because someone asked him what he would do for a Klondike bar.
Memes
MVP means: “Most Valuable Player.”
In Chuck Norris' case: “Most Vaginas Penetrated”.
What does a cannibal call people in water?
Sea food.
Is buttcheeks one word?
Or should I spread them?
What's the best thing about 28 year olds?
- There's 20 of them.
What makes a joke a dad joke?
I don't know. I don't even have one as an example.
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were stuck on an island, and the closest populated island was 100km away. So in turn, they try to swim to the island. The brunette swims 10 km then drowns. The redhead swims 30 km then drowns. The blonde swims 50 km then gets tired so she swims back.
It's funny how Stephen Hawking sounds like Stephen walking or Stephen talking, but he can't do any of those things.
If someone calls you, reply with this: “Hi, this is Dave’s orphanage and pizzeria, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I assist you today?”
Abortion, it really brings out the kid in you.
What is Hitler's least favorite month?
Jewly.
How can you tell when a cabbage is boiled?
The wheelchair floats to the top.
Why can't skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke. That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Guy: "My life is like a game, I should end it."
Guy 2: "Is it a hard life?"
Guy: "Yup"
Guy 2: "Then you can't kill yourself LOL"
Guy 3: "Hold on, I know a cheat code to finish the 'game'"
Once again, RIP Daniel Kyre, he actually died this day five years ago.
He attempted suicide Sep 16, and was in life support, till his parents made the tough decision of taking him off.
We will miss ya bud..... (cyndagoooooooo)
There was a wedding so sad that even the cake was in tiers.