Humor
What's the difference between eggs and you? Eggs get laid, you don't.
What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? -- People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooo.
What do you call a nose without a body? -- Nobody knows.
My son asked me what dark humor was, so I told him, "see that kid in the wheelchair, ask him to stand." He said, "But Dad I'm blind." Exactly.
Why did the Catholic priest suck dick at a glory hole?
Because someone asked him what he would do for a Klondike bar.
Memes
What is Hitler's least favorite month?
Jewly.
So I was being robbed, and this guy had the gun to my head, so I told him he was holding it backwards.
MVP means: “Most Valuable Player.”
In Chuck Norris' case: “Most Vaginas Penetrated”.
What does a cannibal call people in water?
Sea food.
Abortion, it really brings out the kid in you.
Is buttcheeks one word?
Or should I spread them?
What's the best thing about 28 year olds?
- There's 20 of them.
What makes a joke a dad joke?
I don't know. I don't even have one as an example.
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were stuck on an island, and the closest populated island was 100km away. So in turn, they try to swim to the island. The brunette swims 10 km then drowns. The redhead swims 30 km then drowns. The blonde swims 50 km then gets tired so she swims back.
It's funny how Stephen Hawking sounds like Stephen walking or Stephen talking, but he can't do any of those things.
How can you tell when a cabbage is boiled?
The wheelchair floats to the top.
Why can't skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke. That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Guy: "My life is like a game, I should end it."
Guy 2: "Is it a hard life?"
Guy: "Yup"
Guy 2: "Then you can't kill yourself LOL"
Guy 3: "Hold on, I know a cheat code to finish the 'game'"
Once again, RIP Daniel Kyre, he actually died this day five years ago.
He attempted suicide Sep 16, and was in life support, till his parents made the tough decision of taking him off.
We will miss ya bud..... (cyndagoooooooo)
When a woman removes polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye, but when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, suddenly people lose their shit?