Humor
What's worse than 10 babies nailed to a tree? 1 baby, nailed to 10 trees.
They say masturbation is better with a dead arm. Apparently, I ruined that funeral.
What's the difference between eggs and you? Eggs get laid, you don't.
What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? -- People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooo.
What do you call a nose without a body? -- Nobody knows.
Memes
What is Hitler's least favorite month?
Jewly.
My son asked me what dark humor was, so I told him, "see that kid in the wheelchair, ask him to stand." He said, "But Dad I'm blind." Exactly.
Why did the Catholic priest suck dick at a glory hole?
Because someone asked him what he would do for a Klondike bar.
So I was being robbed, and this guy had the gun to my head, so I told him he was holding it backwards.
MVP means: “Most Valuable Player.”
In Chuck Norris' case: “Most Vaginas Penetrated”.
What does a cannibal call people in water?
Sea food.
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke. That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Abortion, it really brings out the kid in you.
Is buttcheeks one word?
Or should I spread them?
What's the best thing about 28 year olds?
- There's 20 of them.
What makes a joke a dad joke?
I don't know. I don't even have one as an example.
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were stuck on an island, and the closest populated island was 100km away. So in turn, they try to swim to the island. The brunette swims 10 km then drowns. The redhead swims 30 km then drowns. The blonde swims 50 km then gets tired so she swims back.
It's funny how Stephen Hawking sounds like Stephen walking or Stephen talking, but he can't do any of those things.
How can you tell when a cabbage is boiled?
The wheelchair floats to the top.
Why can't skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.