Humor

Little Johnny catches his parents going at it and says, "Hey dad! Whatcha doin'?"

His father says, "I'm filling your mom's tank."

Johnny says, "Oh yeah, well, you better get a model that gets better mileage because the milk man filled her up this morning."

Friend: *hits head* Others: How many fingers am I holding up? Me to friend: How suicidal am I on a scale from one to ten? Friend: Ten Me: He's fine guys.

How do you find a blind man at a nude beach?

It isn't hard.

What's Al Qaeda's favorite football team?

New York Jets.

Q: Do you know why people don't like abortion jokes?

A: Because they leave people with a feeling of emptiness inside.

I am still trying to figure out why paying the COVID doctors a compliment is so offensive. They even kicked me out, and all I said was to stay positive...

I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.

A woman went out on a date and said, “I’m thirty-one with the body of a sixteen-year-old.” The man responded, “Wanna show me? 😏” The woman took him back to her house and opened her freezer and said, “Take a look.”

Anyone else on here looking at depressing jokes to make themselves feel better? Not that it's working, but it's nice to know that I'm not alone. Well, enough with the sob story, I gotta go get my razors. See ya in the long run.

My girlfriend treats me like God. -- She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

911 jokes are just plane wrong, my dad was a great pilot you know.

This joke probably flew over people's heads, but for some people it flew into their head.

What’s the difference between an emo and grass? The grass doesn’t cut itself :D

Two wrongs don't make a right. Take your parents as an example.

Chuck Norris once stepped on a Lego.

The Lego broke in half.

If I were addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?

Beer Bottle: “You break me, you get one year of bad luck!”

Mirror: “You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get seven years of bad luck!”

Condom: “Hahaha...”

I don't like it when people make 9/11 jokes. My dad was in it.

He was the best damn pilot in Saudi Arabia.

A girl noticed hair growing between her legs and asked her mom about it. Her mom said it was her monkey and it grows hair. So, she told her sister, and her sister said that ain't nothing, mine's already eating bananas.

What's the difference between an emo kid and a pack of Oreos? The bar code on the emo kid gets longer every day.

Child: *drinking milk*

Farmer: Hey, what are you doing?

Child: Oh, I just milked one of your cows.

Farmer: We don't have any cows, we only have bulls.

Child: *realizes*