Humor
What do you say to a depressed special kid?
“Why so down?”
What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two!
Know your ABCs! Assholes, bitches, and cocaine!
Would an orphan's family photo be considered a selfie?
I once told Siri, "Hey Siri, why am I still single?" She opened the front camera.
Q: What do you call a sad soda?
A: Soda-pressing.
Guy: Hey, Siri, I failed my final exams, can you cheer me up?
Siri: What’s the difference between you and your grandma? Your grandma passed!
Skeppy is the joke.
I don't like it when people make jokes about 9/11, because we lost 19 great patriots that day.
What’s a rapper’s favorite martial art?
Punchlines.
We don't read backwards.
Why did the blondie put her iPad in the blender? To make apple juice.
Is that ass a water barrier 'cause dam[n]?
I was speaking at my grandpa's funeral and I told everybody his last words: "You still holding the ladder?"
Donald Trump announced he will run for prez today. His hair will on Friday.
All of the jokes are just abuse.
Why can’t the turd fart? Because it already shitted!
Roast
You have such a big forehead it has a 6 pack on it!
What grade does Sherlock hit on girls from?
Elementary, my dear Watson!
What is the difference between a wagon filled with sand and a wagon filled with newborns?
You cannot unload the sand with a pitchfork.