Your hairline is so long that when you finally found the length of it, you told someone and they said, "Don't give me your phone number."
Humor
What did the titanic say as it was sinking?
I nominate all the passengers to the ice bucket challenge.
Ruin a quote by attributing it to the wrong person.
"Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened." -Adolf Hitler, 1945.
Do you wanna know how I recently seduced an obese woman? Actually, it was a piece of cake.
I farted in my grandma's breathing machine.
I was sitting at a bench at the park and saw a lady. She asked which kid was mine, and I responded, "I haven't decided yet."
I told a joke and someone said, "no one asked." Then I said, "no one would care to even ask."
Your friend walks up to you and shows you a picture of an overweight woman.
What would you rate this woman?
A 7.
Why?
Because 7 ate 9!
Two men ran into a bar. You would have thought after the first one hit it, the second one would have seen it.
Why did all the numbers mourn 10? Because he was in the middle of 9, 11.
When you can’t see your adopted joke pop up, it’s the same as asking your adopted friend where their parents are and never finding it.
If an orphan takes a selfie, isn't it basically a family portrait?
What did the toilet say to the other toilet? "You look a bit flushed."
I saw a Cuban prisoner. I asked, "Why are you running from the cops?" He said, "I'M FREE AT LAST!"
Other girls want a guy who is 6ft, but does me being 6ft under count?
I don't get it.
Orphans are very religious, well mostly. Statistics say that roughly 2/3 of the orphan population go to church. I mean it's the only place they can call someone "father".
Segma says, "32!"
Ligma Says, "And?"
Segma says, "Anding deez balls to your mouth."
Q. What's a bulimic's favorite movie?
A. The Purge.
Spell 'Imap' and say 'ness' at the end.
Why did the cat cross the road?
To make a catastrophy on the road.
