Humor
A limbless man sat on the side of a lake every day. He had no hands or legs.
One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No."
The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?"
The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever."
So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked.
"No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before."
The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?"
The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."
The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"
Papa John's pizzeria and abortion clinic. You make 'em, we bake 'em.
My best friend got ligma. (Ah, did he? Sorry bro.) LIGMA BALLS!
How do you fit 3 gay guys on a barstool? Flip it upside down.
What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians? One hundred people who don't do dick.
I was going to write a corny joke, but those are a bit too EAR-itating.
What do you call a paralyzed turtle?
Shell shocked.
There was a kid named Buttitches, and his teacher was taking attendance. Then the teacher asked, "What is your name?" And he answered, "Buttitches." Then the teacher asked again, "What's your name?" and he replied, "Buttitches." Then a student yelled out, "JUST SCRATCH YOUR ASS ALREADY!"
I would say a good joke, but all the good ones Argon.
A girl and boy are in bed after sex. The boy goes, “I can’t believe they got together after all that shit.” The girl says, “Who?” The boy goes, “My ass cheeks.”
Why do orphans love drinking water? Because they have no milk to drink!
I bet for Halloween you were a Goblin. How about you gobble deez nuts?
How can you get free butt plants? Just get your man to fill your butt with natural juices.
So this blind man was walking down the street with his stick, right? And he walked past this fish market, he took a deep breath and said, "WWOAAH GOODMORNING LADIES!"
I identify as kilometers per second because I want to km/s.
A nun walked into a bar with her clothes on inside out. The bartender asked her about it, and she replied, "It's a bad habit."
How do you knock out 26 kids in one punch?
You give them a Sandy Hook.
What noise does Stephen Hawking make when he dies? Windows shutting down theme tune.
Stephen was a great person, and he will be greatly missed, but I enjoy these jokes too much to not stop.
A teacher is doing an experiment about taste. She tells each student to line up so she can give them each a lifesaver, so they can tell her what flavor it is. She gives Suzy a pineapple one. Suzy tries it, says the flavor, and then goes and sits back down. That is the same for everyone, then it is Jhonny's turn. The teacher hands him a honey flavor one. Jhonny chews it for a while, then says,
"Teacher, I don't know what it is.". The teacher tries to give him a hint and says, "it's what your parents call each other when you are asleep". Immediately the boy behind Jhonny screams, "Spit it out Jhonny, it's an asshole!!!"