Humor
My girlfriend broke up with me because of my pasta fetish.
I'm feeling cannelloni right now.
I wanted some breakfast, so I grabbed some Life cereal.
I poured it, but lemons came out. So I said, "Well, when life gives you lemons!"
What do you call a sheep on steroids? A woolly mammoth.
It's funny how Stephen Hawking sounds like Stephen walking or Stephen talking, but he can't do any of those things.
What happens when Steven Hawking dies?
Take his iPad to Cash Converters.
Wanna hear a terrible joke?
Paper
Pretty tear-able, huh?
Your face.
Of course Jesus wasn't a virgin! He obviously liked being nailed!
My wife told me I was immature. I just told her to get out of my pillow fort.
There once was a little girl named Sarah with no arms and legs.
*knock knock*
Who's there!
Not Sarah.
Did you hear on the news that a midget psychic broke out of jail?
There is a small medium at large.
Have you ever been eight before?
You were between 7 and 9.
What do you call it when a person with Down syndrome gets friendzoned?
Chromozoned.
How many Quebecers does it take to change a lightbulb?
4!
One to hold the bulb, two to turn the chair he's standing on, and one to sing "Alouette, gentille alouette!"
There was a man in a wheelchair, and he got knocked out in front of a bus. He had a wheelie good life!
I'm so gay I could barely think straight.
"Koalafications" are irr-elephant.
What do you call a funny family of chairs? A sitcom!
What do you call a blind German?
A not see.
This one time I said that John Cena looks like crap.
But I realized I can't see him. LOL!