Humor
Want to hear a joke?
Your face.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
So, you wanna hear a joke about the wall?
... Actually, nah, you won't get over it.
My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That's a big word for a seven year old.
Girls are like math; if they're under ten, then you use your fingers.
I can't handle these puns...
But I can HAND you some puns!
Budum tiss!
How do you know a hippie is on her period?
Her socks are missing.
How do you know she's off?
Her socks are tye-dye.
What does Stephen Hawking eat for breakfast? His shoulder.
What does a skeleton tile his roof with?
Shin-gles!
Why did the skeleton want a friend?
Because she was feeling bonely.
What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
Bone-appetit!
When does a skeleton laugh?
When someone tickles his funny bone!
Why don't skeletons fight each other?
They don't have the guts.
What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?
Spareribs!
Why can't skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
What did the guy with two hands say to the guy with one hand?
"Hi-five!"
I told a chemistry joke. There was no reaction.
What happens when Stephen Hawking dies?
The Windows shutdown sound plays.
Wanna hear a joke?
My life.