Humor
Why did the Canadian cross the road?
To say sorry to the other side.
How do Chinese people name their kids?
They roll a coin down the staircase and it says, "Ching chang chong..."
What do you call a man with no legs?
Neil (kneel)
What do you call a squirrel with wings? A flying squirrel, it's pretty self-explanatory.
I know you don’t like rape jokes, but I’m gonna force one on you anyway.
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Doctor.
Doctor who?
One time there was a squirrel who died.
It was funny because the squirrel got dead.
Timmy goes to the doctor and says, "There's a crack in my butt, doctor." Timmy, there is a crack in everyone's butt, see?
My wife was going to have an abortion and I have cancer.
Ha Ha Ha
I thought it was funny.
What's the hardest part of eating vegetables?
The wheelchair.
My cock was in the book of world records...
The librarian told me to take it out.
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt-quack.
Before the chicken or the egg, there was only Chuck Norris.
Sans: Wow, seems you’re really working yourself... down to the bone!
I met a really greedy oyster. It was quite shellfish.
What does a dyslexic zombie eat? Brian's, hahahahaha!
What is a lot?
Syphilis.
When other people tell a joke, 3/3 people laugh.
When I tell a joke, 1/3 people laugh, but 2/3 people stare into my soul.
Any joke can be funny with the right delivery. Except abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.
Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. I told her that, as a punishment, she won't eat butter for 1 month.
Today I saw her killing a cockroach in the kitchen. I told her "nice try".