Humor
An infinite amount of mathematicians walked into a bar. The first ordered a pint, the second ordered a half pint, the third ordered a fourth-pint, etc. The Bartender eventually walked up and gave them two pints and said: "You mathematicians don't know your limits."
Why did Sarah fall off the swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sarah.
What kind of cars do Mexicans drive?
A Juanda.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with three legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Read the title.
Immigration jokes just cross the line.
You guys asked for a joke? Well, you're in luck, because you already are one!
Man, abortion jokes just don't get old, do they?
In fact, they don't age at all.
What does Matthew McConaughey say at the Republican convention...
We're gonna take back what is ours, alt right, alt right, alt right, hee heeeee...
A tiny psychic escaped from jail, and the news said there a small medium at large.
I wanted to tell an animal joke but it's irrelephant.
What’s a skeleton’s favorite instrument? The trombone!
How does Stephen Hawking charge his computer?
How does Stephen Hawking have sex? Keyboard sex!
I saw a midget prisoner climbing down a ladder the other day and I thought, huh, that's a little con-descending.
A blondie and a redneck jumped off a building. Which one will land first?
The redneck because the blonde will ask for directions.
What do you get when you cross Donald Trump with Fregley?
Orange juice.
Friend: If you don't like my bad jokes, I will tell some stand up comedy.
Me: But you are not standing:)
A man is sitting in a chair. He is talking to the other friend about what they must cherish.
One says he cherishes his family, the other cherishes his parents, and a man comes in, points at the chair and says, “I CHAIRish my Chair” as he pulls up a chair.
The Titanic was going through the ocean. Chuck Norris was on the ship, and they never crashed into an iceberg. He just shat off the front of the ship!
A Lew runs into a wall, what does he break? His Nose.
A Mexican runs into a wall, what does he break? His lawn mower.
What do you call a private nun?
Nun-o-yo-business.