Humor
What's the difference between a fish and a car?
You can tune a car... but you can't TUNA fish! x3
There were three babies in a mom's stomach. One baby asks, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" The other baby answers, "A doctor. I want to help people. What about you?"
"I want to be an engineer. I want to make things. What about you?" he asks to the third baby.
"I want to be a hunter."
"Why?" the other babies ask.
"I want to kill the snake that spits on my face."
Why did the Canadian cross the road?
To say sorry to the other side.
How do Chinese people name their kids?
They roll a coin down the staircase and it says, "Ching chang chong..."
What do you call a man with no legs?
Neil (kneel)
What do you call a squirrel with wings? A flying squirrel, it's pretty self-explanatory.
I know you don’t like rape jokes, but I’m gonna force one on you anyway.
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Doctor.
Doctor who?
One time there was a squirrel who died.
It was funny because the squirrel got dead.
Timmy goes to the doctor and says, "There's a crack in my butt, doctor." Timmy, there is a crack in everyone's butt, see?
My wife was going to have an abortion and I have cancer.
Ha Ha Ha
I thought it was funny.
What's the hardest part of eating vegetables?
The wheelchair.
My cock was in the book of world records...
The librarian told me to take it out.
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt-quack.
Before the chicken or the egg, there was only Chuck Norris.
Sans: Wow, seems you’re really working yourself... down to the bone!
I met a really greedy oyster. It was quite shellfish.
What does a dyslexic zombie eat? Brian's, hahahahaha!
What is a lot?
Syphilis.
When other people tell a joke, 3/3 people laugh.
When I tell a joke, 1/3 people laugh, but 2/3 people stare into my soul.