Humor

A grasshopper walked into a bar and sat down at the counter.

The bartender looked at him and said, "We have a drink named after you." The grasshopper replied, "Who names a drink Steve?"

What's the difference between drugs and kids?

I don't sell drugs.

Want to know why parents don't get school shooting jokes?

Because they are aimed at a younger audience.

Why were the 1800s so crazy?

Because of Hairriet Tubman.

I only made so it's the 69th in the hair category.

Papa John's pizzeria and abortion clinic. You make 'em, we bake 'em.

What do you find up a ghost's nose? A BOOger.

What is the difference between a rapist and a dictionary?

One of them knows the definition of no.

I wish my grass was edgy...

then it would cut itself...

Alright, I'm gonna make like a tree and leaf.

*****You have to leave right after you tell this joke.****

Is depression sadness or happiness? I call it a fun time.

What is an orphan's favorite beer?

"Fosters."

What's the definition of rude?

Sticking a blind man in a corner and telling him to find his wife.

Kid: "Hey dad, what's dark humor?"

Dad: "Go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him."

Kid: "But dad, I don't have any legs or arms."

Dad: "Exactly, son."

F1, F2, F3, do you know what’s after F3?

- F4, F U, then last F U Q.

What do you call a person who's got their wisdom tooth removed too late?

Dumb.

What did the squirrel say to the dog?

"There are nuts in your poop. I found them!"

Want my opinion on Mongolia? It has its pros and Khans.

What does one piece of toilet paper say to the other?

"I'm wiped!"

What did one tampon say to the other tampon?

Nothing, they were both stuck up bitches!

Wanna me to show you a joke?

*Points at face* Funny, right?