Humor
Why don’t Belgians eat shit sandwiches?
They don’t fancy bread!
What’s black and sits on top of the stairs?
Christopher Reeves in a house fire.
It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.
Why did the boy put a chicken 🐔 in his garden?
He wanted to grow an eggplant. 😂
Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
Social distancing.
It's April Fools' Day. I'm gonna go to the orphanage and tell kids, "Their parents are here to pick them up."
Imagine if on April first the government says, "Hahhaha, you all fell for it. Covid-19 is fake; we actually killed all those people, lol."
A grasshopper walked into a bar and sat down at the counter.
The bartender looked at him and said, "We have a drink named after you." The grasshopper replied, "Who names a drink Steve?"
What's the difference between drugs and kids?
I don't sell drugs.
Want to know why parents don't get school shooting jokes?
Because they are aimed at a younger audience.
Why were the 1800s so crazy?
Because of Hairriet Tubman.
I only made so it's the 69th in the hair category.
Papa John's pizzeria and abortion clinic. You make 'em, we bake 'em.
What do you find up a ghost's nose? A BOOger.
What is the difference between a rapist and a dictionary?
One of them knows the definition of no.
I wish my grass was edgy...
then it would cut itself...
Alright, I'm gonna make like a tree and leaf.
*****You have to leave right after you tell this joke.****
Is depression sadness or happiness? I call it a fun time.
What is an orphan's favorite beer?
"Fosters."
What's the definition of rude?
Sticking a blind man in a corner and telling him to find his wife.
Kid: "Hey dad, what's dark humor?"
Dad: "Go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him."
Kid: "But dad, I don't have any legs or arms."
Dad: "Exactly, son."