Humor
Why can't Chinese play baseball?
Because they eat the bats.
Do you want to hear a joke?
Never mind, it’s too punny.
Stop making moo jokes, they're so annoying!
Yo mama so ugly she made happy meals cry.
I'm hertophobic.
It means I'm allergic to straights.
Why was the turtle looking at her phone?
She wanted to take a shellfie.
When you're the only one nice to the quiet kid.
Kid: "I like you... don't go to school tomorrow."
How can you tell when your sister is on her period?
Your dad's knob tastes funny.
An action hero stops a man running by throwing a tire at him.
What is his one liner? "I told you to stop running or you will get tired."
How do you know if you have a high sperm count?
She chews before she swallows.
Why was the fart on Kickstarter? He just needed some gas.
Why can’t the turd fart? Because it already shitted!
Cesar: What was that good salad called?
Servant: Ceaser, Cesar.
Cesar: Okay, what's going to be the weather like?
Servant: Hail, Cesar.
Cesar: Yes, I know "Hail Cesar," but I need to know what the weather's like!
Servant: Well, it's hail, Cesar.
Cesar: AHHHHH! Send him to the DUNGEONS! NOW!
A women's knitters group is having a meeting, and they are all pregnant. They all talk about their pregnancies.
One woman says, "I'm taking vitamin C so my baby has a healthy immune system."
Another knitter says, "I'm taking folic acid to help my baby's brain."
Finally, one woman says, "I'm taking Thalidomide!"
All the women turn to her and say, "Thalidomide! Don't you know your baby could be born without arms?"
The woman shrugs her shoulders and says, "I don't know how to knit arms."
...
What do you call a heterosexual man giving a brojob to another heterosexual man?
gay now, heterosexual later.
Hello Miss Chandia, here. I want to tell you guys a joke.
What do jokes serve for dessert?
What do you call Helen Keller in a pitch black, sound proof room?
Redundant.
Famous last words: I COULD EAT THIS IN ONE BITE!
Toot and poop.