Humor
An old lady walks into an ice cream store. A clerk greets her and says, "What will it be today, ma'am? We have every flavor you can imagine." The old lady says, "Well, I guess I'd like a quart of chocolate ice cream." The clerk says, "Sorry, ma'am, we're out of chocolate today. Any other flavor we'll have." "Ok," she replies, "Why don't you just give me a pint of chocolate ice cream?" The clerk says a little louder in case she's hard of hearing, "Sorry, ma'am, but we're fresh out of chocolate ice cream." The old lady says, "Oh, ok. Why don't you just get me a cone with one scoop of chocolate ice cream?"
Finally, totally exasperated, the clerk says, "Wait a minute, lady. Can you spell 'Van' as in vanilla?" "Why of course, young man," she says, "V-A-N." "Right," the clerk says, "Can you spell 'Straw' as in strawberry?" "Well of course, 'Straw'," she replied. "Ok, then," he says, "Now spell 'Fuck' as in chocolate." She says, "There's no 'Fuck' in chocolate." He says, "That's what I've been trying to tell you... THERE'S NO FUCKING CHOCOLATE!!!"
What is the definition of a woman?
A life support system for a vagina.
These jokes are fun for the whole family to enjoy.
Why can a gay man give a better brojob to a heterosexual man than another heterosexual man?
Experience.
Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, “Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?” The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, “Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?”
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, “It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch, it is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.”
In India, 3 things are wide and far everywhere, but no one admits: racism, sexism, and Sunny's jism.
Who's the smallest wife??
Micro-wife.
The best part of you ran down your mother's leg... Einstein got ready to climax while doing math but realized you can't cumtilyain cumtilion. It's after sucktillion fucktillion.
Your forehead's so big, it's built like Megamind's robot, period.
Just laugh.
HAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA
What is the difference between cremation and smoking?
While you are smoking, you don't go up in smoke.
Q: What’s a good thing about child molesters?
A: They drive slow through school zones.
This is a Cuphead joke.
Why did the clown drive over the cup? Cuz he wanted to CRACK him up!
I got a job as a pencil sharpener. I would tell you about it, but you wouldn't get the point.
My wife called me ugly, and then when she found out how much money I actually make, she called me ugly and broke.
Stephen Hawking walked in a bar...
Just kidding.
What's a school shooter's favorite flower?
Columbine.
So in class, they were learning about where food comes from:
Teacher: So kids, where does bacon come from?
Student: PIGS!
Teacher: Correct. Where does mutton come from?
Student: SHEEP!
Teacher: And finally, here’s your homework.
Student: IK where that comes from!
A FAT COW! 😂😂
People were talking and asking what's the worst day of the year for them.
Person 1: "The first day of school because I don't like going to school."
Person 2: "Valentine's day because it's too lovey."
Me: "Oh nice, mine is my birthday because it's when I was born."
What time do butts get up? At the crack of dawn!!!